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Denver Therapist and Counseling

How to Cope with Shame and Develop Shame Resilience

*Today’s post is a Guest Post from the wonderful folks at Lincoln Park Therapy Group in Chicago. Check them out here. “Ugh, I can’t believe I did that! I’m so dumb!” Have you ever said that to yourself? If so, you were probably feeling something called shame. Whether we like to admit it or not, shame is a universal human emotions – it’s something we all experience. Sometimes we feel it for only a moment and it leaves us like an unpleasant thought. Other times it stays for much longer, inching into our minds until it completely twists how we see the world and how we believe the world sees us. But what is shame? Basically shame is the icky feeling we get when we perceive that our actions are deficient in light of certain standards, and consequently we extend this perception to ourselves. It can be a physical sensation, like a rock in your stomach, and an emotion you feel in your soul at the same time. In both cases, it is important to acknowledge feelings of shame and develop strategies for managing it. How to Cope With Shame Let me start by saying something important: Shame is a normal and common human emotion. Nobody likes feeling shame, but nobody should ever think that something is wrong with them for feeling it either. The problem that arises with shame is that it can overwhelm and cause us to act in ways we normally wouldn’t… especially when we’re trying to ignore it. There are some typical reactions to shame that we all tend to do, including: withdrawal, aggression, and approval seeking behavior. Research has even shown that “shame can be experienced as such a negative, intense emotion of self-loathing that it can lead one to disown it, and, in the case of one who acts like a bully, give it away by evoking that emotion in others.” In cases such as this, the person feeling shame uses that emotion as a weapon – he or she actually makes others feel shame as well to make themselves feel better. It’s important to understand that these reactions are actually defense mechanisms, or skills that we’ve developed to help us cope with shame. In the center of these defenses lies a fight-or-flight instinct to separate us from others or ourselves and ultimately the cause of our shame. This can often lead to emotional isolation, which can bring about deeper feelings of shame. But, what if there was a better way to deal with these feelings? Try Shame Reslience! We can’t inoculate ourselves from feeling shame – but, there are ways of managing it. Shame researcher Brené Brown found during her research that acknowledging our shame and developing empathy for ourselves actually helps to lower the negative effects that shame can bring. By using empathy, we can learn to connect with ourselves to overcome shame, instead of continuing with isolating defense tactics. Brené Brown calls this strategy Shame Resilience and helps us use empathetic practices to overcome shame. At its core, it means learning how to be vulnerable enough to share with someone you trust what you’re feeling instead of keeping it a secret. More importantly, it involves changing how you to talk to yourself. Negative self-talk and secrecy feed the belly of the “shame” shark. Speaking kindly about yourself and telling your story to people whom you trust removes the veil of secrecy and leaves shame has no place to lurk. If you’re interested in learning more about shame resiliency, this article gives an excellent overview of Shame Resilience Therapy and how it developed. You can also check out this video for some quick tips from Brené Brown on how to work through shame.  

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Depression Therapy in Denver for Men and Women

How Depression Looks Different in Men and Women

Unfortunately, depression has become a very prevailing part of our day-to-day lives. The stress of work and finances builds up on top of personal matters, like family crisis, low self-esteem, and other disturbances. Thankfully, psychologists and mental health professionals have gone in-depth into the study of depression and its symptoms, and if you’re currently facing a time of heartache, apathy, or struggle, you could likely benefit from visiting a therapist. What can a therapist do for me? People of all backgrounds and life circumstances find themselves in need of a therapist every day. The act of seeking out help is not something to be frowned upon, and it is the only surefire way to successfully work through whatever problems you find yourself facing currently. If you’re suffering any of the below symptoms of depression, you could most certainly benefit from speaking with a professional who will be able to help you work through personal issues and re-gain your sense of happiness. What Depression Looks Like Depression looks differently in men and women. While it shares some common symptoms between the two genders, it usually makes itself known in slightly different ways. Men Women Apathy (lack of enthusiasm and/or concern for activities or people) Persistently sad, anxious, or “empty” mood Loss of appetite or changes in eating habits Loss of appetite or tendency to overeat Fatigue, feeling tired and drowsy consistently Fatigue, decreased energy, feeling “slowed down” Loss of interest in activities Loss of interest in activities Low self-esteem Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, pessimism, and hopelessness Sexual problems, including reduced sex drive Reduced sex drive Sleep disturbances Sleeping too much or too little, waking early Thoughts of death or suicide Thoughts of death or suicide Self-destructive behavior such as binge eating, drinking, etc. Physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, like headaches, chronic pain, and digestive disorders   For women, depression tends to make them act sad and emotional whereas, in men, they will typically be irritable, aggressive, and even hostile. How to Handle Depression If you or a loved one appears to be struggling with symptoms of depression, there is no good reason to delay action. Depression is something that often makes people feel as if they are being swallowed whole. The lack of sleep and energy leads to a daily to-dos building up, with the list of stresses looming above the person, feeling bigger each day. This further wears the person out, often lowering their self-esteem even more as they struggle to find joy in pleasurable activities and continue feeling as though they are facing issue after issue in their life. Sleeping problems will begin contributing to physical health issues, and so will the change in eating habits and activities. This can lead to excessive weight loss or gain, and will put a significant amount of added stress on the person, both inside and out. This unfortunate “snowballing” pattern of depression is what leads many to bouts of depression that last for weeks, months, or even years. Without treatment, depression is unlikely to simply disappear on its own. Those facing it will continuously feel powerless and unconfident, and when in a deep state of depression, it is difficult to see things clearly, think rationally, or remind oneself of the “silver lining” of tragedy and inconveniences. The effect is a depression cycle that gets worse and worse. Rather than trying to tackle the issue yourself, the absolute best option is to seek assistance from someone who specializes in helping people overcome such hurdles in their life. Male depression is incredibly common, and more and more people each day are overcoming it by having the courage to ask for help. By choosing to start depression therapy, you can begin getting back to your old self again and feeling better than ever before. What To Expect Depression treatment rarely needs to involve medication. If you are wondering what to expect, there’s no reason to feel overwhelmed by the potential treatment plans. You likely have a few misconceptions about what therapists are like and what exactly they’ll do to help you, but this short list of treatment facts will begin to help clear it up: At the first session and every one there after, you and your therapist will simply be having a conversation. There is nothing to feel anxious or stressed about, and you’ll likely find the time passing by without even thinking about it. Your therapist will never force you to talk about something if you don’t want to share, but the benefit of starting depression therapy is that you have someone there to talk to about anything. As a professional, your therapist will help you see things in a different light and start working through the issues you find yourself facing. As you and your therapist begin to build a trusting relationship, you’ll find yourself opening up with ease. With time, you’ll be able to use the skills and tools your therapist teaches you to start working through your stress and troubles independently. Your therapist’s main goal when you enter into a treatment plan is to help you recover in as little or as much time as it takes. You’ll be able to move at your own pace through therapy, and when you feel you’re ready, you’re free to end your treatment plan. Since it is such a personal issue, the length of time it takes to recover from depression varies. No matter how quickly it happens, however, starting today will put you on the right track. If you are searching for a trusted and professional Denver Therapist, give our office a call today or stop by. We look forward to assisting you on your path to recovery.

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Denver Therapist counseling

How To Make Your New Year’s Resolution Stick

This is a post from the American Psychological Association with great ideas to make your New Year’s Resolution stick. Lose weight? Check. Start exercising? Check. Stop smoking? Check. It can be daunting when your list of New Year’s Resolutions is as long as your holiday shopping list. In addition to the post-holiday slump, not being able to keep your resolutions by February, March or even late January may increase your anxiety. When your holiday decorations are packed up and stored away, the frustration of an unused gym membership or other reminders of failed resolutions can make the later winter months feel hopeless. However, it is important to remember that the New Year isn’t meant to serve as a catalyst for sweeping character changes. It is a time for people to reflect on their past year’s behavior and promise to make positive lifestyle changes. “Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for,” says psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD. “Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.” By making your resolutions realistic, there is a greater chance that you will keep them throughout the year, incorporating healthy behavior into your everyday life. APA offers these tips when thinking about a News Year’s resolution: Start small Make resolutions that you think you can keep. If, for example, your aim is to exercise more frequently, schedule three or four days a week at the gym instead of seven. If you would like to eat healthier, try replacing dessert with something else you enjoy, like fruit or yogurt, instead of seeing your diet as a form of punishment. Change one behavior at a time Unhealthy behaviors develop over the course of time. Thus, replacing unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones requires time. Don’t get overwhelmed and think that you have to reassess everything in your life. Instead, work toward changing one thing at a time. Talk about it Share your experiences with family and friends. Consider joining a support group to reach your goals, such as a workout class at your gym or a group of coworkers quitting smoking. Having someone to share your struggles and successes with makes your journey to a healthier lifestyle that much easier and less intimidating. Don’t beat yourself up Perfection is unattainable. Remember that minor missteps when reaching your goals are completely normal and OK. Don’t give up completely because you ate a brownie and broke your diet, or skipped the gym for a week because you were busy. Everyone has ups and downs; resolve to recover from your mistakes and get back on track. Ask for support Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen strengthens your resilience and ability to manage stress caused by your resolution. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to meet your goals on your own, consider seeking professional help. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies as to how to adjust your goals so that they are attainable, as well as help you change unhealthy behaviors and address emotional issues.

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