April 2021 - Thrive Counseling

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Problematic Drinking on the Rise Due to Pandemic and Isolation

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Are You Concerned About a Recent Increase in Your Alcohol Consumption? It goes without saying that the COVID-19 pandemic has had so many negative impacts on our society. One of the most alarming of those impacts is the increase in alcohol use. According to one study conducted with adults in the US, 60% of participants reported an increase in drinking compared to before the pandemic, while only 13% reported a decrease. While the need for negative coping skills might decrease as life starts to feel more “normal,” it is important to consider that unhealthy habits formed during the past year might not be easy to break once the pandemic is over. In addition, binge drinking can have long-term impacts on our health. For these reasons, it is critical to determine whether your drinking habits might be problematic, and if so, what you can do about it. What Is Considered Excessive Drinking? According to the CDC, excessive drinking is classified differently for men and women. Women: Four or more drinks during one occasion, or eight or more drinks in one week Men: Five or more drinks during one occasion, or 15 or more drinks in one week. Reasons for Increased Alcohol Use During the COVID-19 Pandemic Using alcohol as a coping skill to manage emotional stress. Alcohol is often used as a coping skill for symptoms of anxiety or depression because it is thought to ‘numb’ the negative thoughts or feelings. But using drugs or alcohol as an avoidance tool is not helpful in the long run, as all those things that you are numbing yourself from experiencing in-the-moment will inevitably catch up to you. Boredom If you are single and/or living alone, boredom during the pandemic has probably been frequent and distressing. You were accustomed to being able to schedule yourself time alone while balancing that with social outings. For many adults in the US, using alcohol has just become a way to pass the time. To avoid thinking about life stressors such as financial issues, job loss, loss of loved ones, having to homeschool children, etc. Again, here is that pesky use of avoidance as a coping skill—this time for situational stressors. It is safe to say that most of us have experienced at least one loss in the past year. For some people, the worst-case scenario: losing a loved one to COVID-19. To others, a loss of a job, or even just the loss of alone time while your kids are at school. We must acknowledge all loss and the impacts that this is having on our mental health and daily functioning. Signs of Excessive Alcohol Consumption Experiencing physical symptoms such as: headaches, nausea, stomach issues, fatigue, shakiness, etc. Increase in symptoms of depression such as: feeling sad, having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, feeling hopeless, etc. Increased anxiety as evidenced by: racing and/or intrusive thoughts, excessive worrying, feelings of dread, etc. Hiding alcohol use from loved ones. Chances are that if you are trying to minimize the appearance of how much you drink, then you are at least unconsciously aware that you are excessively using alcohol. Increase in relationship or work conflict (Hall, 2021). Drinking excessively can result in an increase in anger and irritability, so this can make it more difficult to function well in all the different domains of life. What You Can Do If You Want to Decrease Your Alcohol Consumption Define your desired outcome: abstinence or decrease use? While abstaining from alcohol is great, and will likely result in long-term health benefits, this goal can feel overwhelming for some. Improving your relationship with alcohol is not a black-and-white issue. Make your goals achievable and sustainable. If cutting back on alcohol use doesn’t work (i.e. having “just one drink” always turns into binge drinking), then consider abstinence. Go to therapy. Meeting with a therapist is going to help you make reasonable (again, sustainable and achievable) goals, determine your own triggers for excessive alcohol use, and the positive replacement behaviors you can use as needed. Your therapist will meet you where you are emotionally, and help you confront your excessive alcohol use in a manner that is non-judgmental. Engage in hobbies and other creative interests. If you are currently filling your time with activities that involve drinking alcohol, ask yourself what other hobbies interested you in the past or you have always wanted to try but just haven’t gotten around to yet. Focus on caring for your basic needs. If you start paying attention to other aspects of your physical health, there is a chance that you might improve your relationship with alcohol along the way. Set one small goal at a time. Start with just drinking more water each day. Then start taking daily walks. Next, pay attention to the quality and quantity of sleep you are getting each night. Practice mindful alcohol use. To begin the practice of drinking more mindfully, first pay attention to the function, or the ‘why?’ of your drinking. Often times, when individuals are engaging in alcohol use, they are doing so while on kind of an “auto-pilot.” Instead, practice being fully present and slowly savoring each drink. This is another skill that a therapist can help you master.

Pandemic Fatigue: What Is It and How Can We Deal with It?

How to Cope with Social Anxiety Due to the COVID-19 Pandemic

How to Cope if You Are Experiencing More Social Anxiety Due to the COVID-19 Pandemic By: Jessica Taylor, LPC For over a year now, most of us have been waiting to live a life again that has less restrictions. And that is starting to happen with more and more people being vaccinated each day. But as you notice life going back to ‘normal’ (in even the smallest of ways) are you also noticing that you are feeling more anxious when you are out in social situations? If so, you are not alone. There are scientific studies being conducted right now to determine the long-term mental health impacts of isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic. For over twelve months we have had to take multiple social distancing precautions (masks, hand sanitizer and keeping six feet distance from others) when we go anywhere outside of our home. Because of this, it makes sense that our “anxiety brain” wants us to stay hypervigilant, even when we are in relatively ‘safe’ environments (such as spending time with a small group of vaccinated people). If you believe that what you are experiencing might be social anxiety, continue reading to learn the signs and symptoms, as well as steps you can take right now to start feeling better. Signs and Symptoms Inappropriate level of anxiety in certain social situations. Are you noticing that social situations (i.e. going to the grocery store or meeting a friend for a hike) that did not make you feel anxious before the pandemic, now feel scary or overwhelming? Buying into unhelpful thoughts. Do you notice that when you are out in public, you are believing unhelpful and (likely) unrealistic thoughts? Individuals that struggle with symptoms of social anxiety often “buy into” anxious thoughts that their brain sends them, such as: “Everyone is looking at and judging me.” Physical symptoms of anxiety. The physical manifestations of social anxiety do vary, but common somatic symptoms often include a feeling that your heart is racing, shortness of breath, feeling shaky, ‘butterflies’ or tightness in your stomach or chest, sweating, etc. Avoidance of certain situations. The most common response to symptoms of anxiety is avoidance. If something makes us feel uncomfortable or scared, it is difficult to resist the urge to opt out of certain activities or environments. If you notice that you are avoiding things that you engaged in prior to the pandemic, you are probably doing so because you are struggling with symptoms of social anxiety. Avoiding eye contact. Do you find yourself avoiding looking others in the eye? This is a common symptom of social anxiety and it makes sense that this would be difficult after spending a majority of the year on video calls. Avoiding speaking with others or speaking quietly. Interacting with strangers is a common trigger for symptoms of social anxiety, so those that are experiencing even mild symptoms of the disorder will often avoid interactions with others. In some situations, this is not a problem, but it can begin to increase your level of isolation, and prolonged isolation is linked to low self-esteem and depression. How to Begin Reducing Symptoms of Social Anxiety Right Now Don’t shame yourself. Repeat after me: It is okay that I am experiencing social anxiety. While the experience of symptoms of anxiety cause discomfort, this does not mean there is something wrong with you, or that you are weak. It just means that your body and brain are responding to everything you have experienced this year. If you shame yourself for the way you are feeling, any symptoms of anxiety or depression are only going to worsen, which can result in the use of unhealthy coping skills or avoidance. Don’t avoid. Avoidance feels so good when you are experiencing anxiety. If you have been using avoidance up until now, that is okay. It probably felt like that was the only tool you had in your toolbox at that point. But if you continue to avoid stimuli that trigger your symptoms of anxiety, your brain is only going to send you more anxious thoughts in order to convince you to continue to avoid things in the future. Don’t overwhelm yourself. We don’t want to avoid the things that make us anxious, but we also don’t want to move too quickly. Write down all of the situations that trigger your social anxiety and that you are currently avoiding. Then write down small action steps (i.e. go to the grocery store and listen to a podcast while I’m going through the aisles, but say hello to the cashier) you can start taking to begin engaging in those activities/social environments again. Listen to guided meditations. Symptoms of anxiety tend to make us stress out about things that have already happened, or things that could happen in the future. Both of those are out of your control. This is why treatment for symptoms of anxiety often focuses on the here-and-now; because that is in your control. One great way to practice ‘training’ your mind to stay grounded in the present moment is to engage in mindfulness activities such as guided meditations. These are easy to find! Just download an app on your phone or go on YouTube and search something like “guided meditation for social anxiety.” Check-in on your basic needs. Your symptoms of anxiety are much more likely to be triggered if your basic needs are not being cared for. Before you leave the house for a situation that might be anxiety-provoking, make sure that you get enough sleep the night before. Have a good meal and drink enough water (while avoiding caffeine) the day of. In addition, consistent movement, such as daily walks are great for reducing general symptoms of anxiety. Ask for support. If you must go somewhere and are feeling anxious about it, ask a friend to join! Consider Counseling. Reaching out for counseling is also a great idea if your symptoms of social anxiety are making it hard to function in certain areas of your life. A therapist will practice coping skills with

How to Not Let Pandemic Weight Gain Negatively Impact Your Mental Health

How to Not Let Pandemic Weight Gain Negatively Impact Your Mental Health By: Jessica Taylor, LPC According to a survey done last year, approximately 71 million Americans report that they have gained weight during the COVID-19 pandemic. This widespread weight gain is happening for many different reasons, including more sedentary lifestyles and using food and alcohol as a coping skill. Remember that weight gain itself is not bad. It is just neutral. It is up to you (and your physician) to determine what your healthy weight is. What I want to focus on is how to not let pandemic weight gain negatively impact your self-esteem and/or your mental health. If you have struggled with disordered eating habits in the past, weight gain due to the pandemic might be especially triggering. Or maybe you are noticing that just since the pandemic you have started buying into some harmful thoughts about your weight, and this is increasing symptoms of anxiety or depression. If getting weight gain under control is a goal of yours, it might be helpful to talk to your primary care physician and/or get a referral to a Registered Dietician. But no matter what your goals are around your weight, there are strategies to help you maintain a positive self-image and maintain a healthy baseline mood despite any changes your body is going through. These strategies might also helpful if you are experiencing weight changes for any reason other than the pandemic. Practice cognitive defusion from harmful stories. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) asserts that all of us get sent automatic ‘stories’ (thoughts) from our brain. These stories are directly tied to our emotions. For example, if my brain sends me the thought: “I’ve gained so much weight in the last year and I cannot let my friends see me like this,” I have two choices: to believe this thought or defuse from it (not believe it). If I buy into that thought, I’m probably going to feel pretty sad, angry and lonely. These automatic thoughts are a result of our worldview, which is formed based on our life experiences, mental health issues, relationships, etc. Getting rid of these thoughts permanently might not be possible, but what you can do is defuse from them, or simply put—just don’t buy in. Just because you are thinking something doesn’t make it true. Remember that your thoughts about yourself are often biased by your worldview. So, ask yourself if the stories you are currently buying into are helpful or harmful in getting to your goals (losing weight, improving self-esteem, etc.) If the answer is that they are harmful, and will prevent you from achieving your goals, then practice ‘defusion’ strategies as a means to begin giving less power to these particular thoughts. Repeat a mantra Another way to counteract negative thoughts is to come up with a more helpful (less harmful) mantra to repeat to yourself as needed. This does not need to be a super positive “sunshine and rainbows” mantra (unless you’re into that); it can just be something more neutral. For example, here is a helpful mantra that you can say to yourself if you are worried about pandemic weight gain: “I am worthy of self-love, and love from others, no matter the size of my body.” Or maybe something even more neutral such as: “It’s okay that I have gained weight; this was a stressful year.” Write this down and post it somewhere that you are going to look on a regular basis. Assess whether social media is helping or harming your inner dialogue If certain content on social media is making you more susceptible to buy into those harmful thoughts your brain sends you, consider unfollowing certain accounts or just taking a hiatus from social media altogether. While we all know by now that the content others post on social media is carefully curated, and that we are usually only seeing the ‘highlights’, this doesn’t make it any less difficult to avoid comparing ourselves to others when we are constantly seeing their lives through a perfection lens and ours through a very critical lens. Engage in movement for enjoyment If you find that you are struggling to engage in regular movement, consider what you are currently using to try to motivate yourself to exercise. If you are saying that you must exercise to lose weight, and you are struggling to get yourself to engage in exercise, then maybe you need to find a different way of motivating yourself. Thinking about exercising to burn calories can make us feel overwhelmed or see things in a black-and-white way (i.e.: “It’s pointless to work out today because I’m never going to burn off that cake I ate earlier.”) Instead, just set a goal of moving your body for 30 minutes per day. Exercise has other important benefits aside from losing weight, such as producing chemicals in your brain that will help you feel happier and less anxious. Practice mindful eating and drinking Practicing mindfulness when you are eating and drinking is a huge factor when attempting to get unhealthy habits under control. Here are some quick things you can try today: Check-in with yourself regarding the why for eating/drinking in that moment: Are you actually feeling hungry or are you using food or alcohol to cope with feeling stressed, bored, etc.? Eat slowly, with no distractions. Use your five senses while you eat and drink. Again, food and alcohol are not innately bad. They are neutral. Is it just important to make sure that we are not using binge eating or drinking as a means of coping or distraction from life’s stressors. There are much healthier ways to cope that will not result in feelings of shame or guilt. Treat yourself like you treat your best friend If you are noticing yourself buying into mean thoughts about your weight, ask yourself one simple question: Would I talk to my best friend like this? Probably not, right? When we hear our

The Do’s and Don’ts of Connecting with Your Teenager

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Sometimes it feels impossible to connect with your teenage. Maybe you’re worried about them and want to see how they’re doing. Perhaps you simply miss them. Keeping a strong connection with your teen can head off mental health issues before they arise. If your teen is already struggling with anxiety, depression, identity or eating issues, connection is vitally important. Do Schedule Meals Together-With No Technology With busy schedules making the days fly by, scheduling family dinners is often the best way to get in some much-needed quality time. But be sure to not let this precious time together pass by with everyone having their eyes on an electronic device. There may be some pushback at first, but with consistency, eating together without distractions will become the norm. Don’t Ask Open-Ended Questions How rich would you be if you have a dollar for every time your teenager answered the question “How was your day?” with “Fine?” The trick to getting a bit more information is instead asking close-ended questions. A really great way to check-in with your child each day is to ask them what their ‘high’ (the best part) of their day was, and what their ‘low’ (the worst part) was. This way, they will hopefully give you information about specific events about which you can ask follow-up question. But don’t pry! If they don’t want to answer your follow-up questions and push them to answer anyway, this will only frustrate them and create more distance between the two of you. Do Work on Building Trust–That Goes Both Ways Just as it is important for you to trust your teenager, is it also important that they trust you. This is the foundation of a good connection. There are two key parts of building your teenager’s trust. The first is showing that you hear them when they are telling you anything about their life (even if it doesn’t seem important—it’s important to them!) The second thing is to make sure that you are careful in your responses. If they feel as though you are going to have a big scary reaction to something that they tell you, they are going to keep it to themselves instead. It’s okay to be a little freaked out about them telling you that other kids at school got in trouble for drinking. But instead of responding in an emotional and/or judgmental way, take a deep breath and ask a few follow-up questions and reiterate your rules and expectations regarding the matter– in a calm voice. Don’t Force It If your teenager feels as though they are forced to have long conversations with you when they don’t want to, they are going to become even more resistant. In addition, at this time in their life it is typical for teenagers to prioritize peer connections over quality time their family. Try not to take this personally; chances are they will come back around if you stay present while also giving them space when appropriate. Do Meet Them Where They Are You may be wondering where your bubbly outgoing child has gone, but it is completely normal for even the most extroverted teenager to become somewhat distant. If this is the case, try to meet them where they are. Have brief moments of quality time more often, rather than all-day excursions where they are just going to complain about missing out on all of the fun things that their friends are doing. Try the high/low check-in at mealtimes rather than asking them to sit and talk with you for an extended period of time. Don’t Loosen Up on Appropriate Rules and Consequences Having a good connection with your teenager does not mean that you need to let go of maintaining necessary and appropriate rules and expectations. It is developmentally appropriate for your teenager to push the boundaries. Knowing that, it is even more important to stay consistent with holding those boundaries. Try to continue to provide a balance of both warmth and structure. Do Let Them Have a Say Let your child pick the activity you do for quality time. This might mean that you are spending an hour watching them play a video game. You don’t have to be super excited about this, but if you lean in and show interest in what they are interested in, they are more likely to let you into their world going forward.