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male therapist denver

Men Get Therapy Too

It’s true, men get therapy too. Thrive Counseling has been helping folks in Denver since 2013, and we have seen the share of our clients that are men rise over the years. Men struggle with many issues just as much as women do (in some cases, even more so). But we know that Men have more barriers to feeling better than women do. Men Face More Stigma Than Women for Mental Health Issues In our culture, men are often given the message to “just suck it up.” Either explicitly or implicitly, men are told that their emotions either don’t matter or shouldn’t be there in the first place. They are told to keep them inside and what you do, don’t let anyone know that you’re hurt, angry, insecure, or depressed. This stigma can be a barrier for men to reach out for help and support when they are struggling. We know in our practice that when men call for a free consultation, they are overcoming stigma and the judgement of others to simply begin to feel better. Men’s Friendships Tend to be Less Open than Women’s Friendships I’ve heard from many of our male clients that it’s harder for them to lean on their friends when they are feeling down, feeling anxious, or feeling stuck. They say that they feel close to their friends, but there is not a sense of safety to bed vulnerable and they worry their friends will think they are “weird” or not be able to support them. In our culture, women are socialized to bond around emotional connection and support. Women often tell their friends intimate details of their inner lives; their struggles as well as their triumphs. Unfortunately men are getting the short end of the stick when it comes to friendships. Men are socialized to bond around shared interests and activities, not necessarily around conversation and open sharing. So when men really want a friend to know they are struggling, or want to know if their friends have gone through something difficult that they can connect to, it’s harder and more awkward to bring it up or talk about it. Luckily, this is changing. Men are feeling more open to be vulnerable with one another and even public figures are opening up about things like depression and anxiety (such as The Rock on his struggle Depression, and David Beckham on his struggle with anxiety and phobias). How to Feel Better as a Man First, it’s helpful to remember that the myth about men being unemotional is just plain wrong. Secondly, you are not alone. Men struggle just as much as women do, and in some ways women are set up with more social support than men are. It’s up to you to redefine masculinity and treat yourself as if you matter. If you need help, get it. If you want to open up to a friend, do it, and your true friends will rally around you. If you’d like a no-pressure way to begin feeling better, you can contact us for a free consultation. You can get expert advice about your pressing issue right away.  

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Why Your Brain Hates Multitasking

When is the last time you did one thing. Only one thing. You just washed the dishes, or had a long dinner with a friend (without checking your phone), or read an entire blog post (without skimming it)? We are all distracted. The world has become full of distractions and therefore, the temptation to multitask beckons. At work people have multiple tabs up in their browser, or even multiple screens. Check a email here. Flick on over the Facebook there. Feel a buzz from your phone (or think that you do), so you check that too. It’s interesting that we live in a time where multitasking is a given and we are bombarded by distractions, while at the same time there is a deep cultural thirst for focus and concentration. Maybe this is the backlash against Social Media and increasing claims on our free time from employers (always available, always ‘on call’). Minimalism, Simple Living, Down-Sizing, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. These things hold our attention and our aspirations, why? The simple reason is this: your brain hates multitasking. Here’s why: Use It Or Lose It- Your ‘Focus Muscle’ Your brain can do this amazing trick: while constantly taking in stimuli from the outside world, it can also exercise a specific neural circuit that allows you to focus on one thing at a time. This ‘focus circuit’, like every circuit in your brain, acts like a muscle in that the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Conversely, if you don’t use it, it gets weak and it becomes harder and harder to focus when you need to. Focus Leads to Calm, Clear Thinking When I work with clients who could use more calm, more peace, and more groundedness in their lives, this is exactly where I go. Your ability to focus is your path to being calm and to clear thinking. When you are trying to calm your mind, work out a difficult problem, or communicate clearly you need to focus on what you are doing. Being distracted leads to racing thoughts and difficulty being really heard and seen by others. Multitasking Isn’t Really a Thing Anyway We think of multitasking as doing two task simultaneously-like answering emails and working on a spreadsheet. Although we think of it this way, our brain actually can’t do two cognitive tasks (thinking tasks) at once. We can walk and chew gum at the same time, but we can’t compose an email while doing a math problem. What is actually happening is that your brain with switching between two tasks very quickly. You are asking it to attend to one thing, then another, then back to the first, etc. It’s like a ping-pong game. Anything Left Unfinished Becomes a Distraction The thing about switch between two tasks is it leads to something called ‘attention residue’ in your brain. Whenever a task is left unfinished, your brain keeps thinking about it, even when you want to focus on something else. For example, if I open an email and read it, but make a split decision to open a new tab and check out Facebook instead. Although I’m trying to focus on my Facebook feed, there is a little part of my brain that is thinking about that email and trying to compose a response. A researcher from the University of Minnesota puts it this way: “People need to stop thinking about one task in order to fully transition their attention and perform well on another. Yet, results indicate it is difficult for people to transition their attention away from an unfinished task, and their subsequent task performance suffers.” In fact, research shows that multitasking can lead to a 40 percent decline in productivity. How to Stop Multitasking and Start Single-Tasking To stop the ping-pong game in your brain and strengthen you focus muscle, you need to stop multitasking and get comfortable again focusing on one task at a time. Here are some idea to limit distractions and do some deep work: Turn off your phone (yes, really) Turn off all the notification from Apps on your phone Give yourself permission to focus on one thing, remind yourself that you will be more productive if you do Batch some work tasks together (for example, set aside an hour at the end of the workday to read and respond to email, don’t check it every ten minutes throughout the day) Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of deeply being aware of the world and observing without judgement Consider putting an auto-away message on your email or phone for scheduled times you would like to do deep concentrated work, or when you want to set aside time for family or recreation. Let go of the instant gratification that multitasking can give, and instead cultivate a pleasure in tackling a difficult task

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The Longest-Running Study on Well-Being Confirms that All You Need is Love

The longest-running study of human well-being and happiness is the Harvard Grant Study. The study began in 1939 with a group of 268 male undergrads. Researchers have been following them ever since, asking them questions about their lives and interviewing them to find out how they grow and develop in their lives. The study itself is fascinating, and among its many insights are nuggest of wisdom about the true nature of human happiness. So, what really makes us happy in the long-term? In short, connection. Relationships are what really matter. Relationships with friends, family, and your romantic partner. Here’s what the study shows about relationships: Depth is more important than quantity The study finds that connection is all about depth, not about the amount of relationships you have that lead to happiness and well-being. You can have just a few close relationships and be really happy. In fact, it’s somewhat better to have a few high-quality relationships than a lot of shallow ones. So what makes for a high-quality relationship? Depth, in this sense, is defined by your openness with friends, family, and partner. How vulnerable and authentic you can be with each other. If you can open up to people and be who you truly are, those are the relationships that are most highly correlated with happiness in the long-run. Money and Power-although nice in the short-term-Do Not Lead to Greater Happiness This is something that we all know intuitively. Money and Power are highly valued in our culture (and pushed by marketing to make you think having nicer things will lead to happiness), but it just ain’t so. Other studies confirm that, beyond a certain income level, more money does not lead to greater levels of happiness. In the Harvard study, when these men reflect on their lives, they value relationships more highly than money, power, or social class. Researchers did note that it was important to be content at your work, but it was not important that you had the highest-level work or were the CEO of the company. Life’s Hardships can actually Lead to Happiness-If you can work through them with healing relatinoships. To quote from one man in the study: Before there were dysfunctional families, I came from one. My professional life hasn’t been disappointing—far from it—but the truly gratifying unfolding has been into the person I’ve slowly become: comfortable, joyful, connected, and effective. Since it wasn’t widely available then, I hadn’t read that children’s classic, The Velveteen Rabbit, which tells how connectedness is something we must let happen to us, and then we become solid and whole.  As that tale recounts tenderly, only love can make us real. Denied this in boyhood for reasons I now understand, it took me years to tap substitute sources. What seems marvelous is how many there are and how restorative they prove. What durable and pliable creatures we are, and what a storehouse of goodwill lurks in the social fabric. . . I never dreamed my later years would be so stimulating and rewarding. The takeaway? Love can heal. Relationships can heal if they are supportive. Although friends and family are preeminent, a therapist can also provide a healing relationship. Contact us today for a free consultation if you want to talk to someone and increase the happiness in your own life.

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