The longest-running study of human well-being and happiness is the Harvard Grant Study. The study began in 1939 with a group of 268 male undergrads. Researchers have been following them ever since, asking them questions about their lives and interviewing them to find out how they grow and develop in their lives. The study itself is fascinating, and among its many insights are nuggest of wisdom about the true nature of human happiness.
So, what really makes us happy in the long-term? In short, connection.
Relationships are what really matter. Relationships with friends, family, and your romantic partner. Here’s what the study shows about relationships:
Depth is more important than quantity
The study finds that connection is all about depth, not about the amount of relationships you have that lead to happiness and well-being. You can have just a few close relationships and be really happy. In fact, it’s somewhat better to have a few high-quality relationships than a lot of shallow ones.
So what makes for a high-quality relationship? Depth, in this sense, is defined by your openness with friends, family, and partner. How vulnerable and authentic you can be with each other. If you can open up to people and be who you truly are, those are the relationships that are most highly correlated with happiness in the long-run.
Money and Power-although nice in the short-term-Do Not Lead to Greater Happiness
This is something that we all know intuitively. Money and Power are highly valued in our culture (and pushed by marketing to make you think having nicer things will lead to happiness), but it just ain’t so.
Other studies confirm that, beyond a certain income level, more money does not lead to greater levels of happiness. In the Harvard study, when these men reflect on their lives, they value relationships more highly than money, power, or social class. Researchers did note that it was important to be content at your work, but it was not important that you had the highest-level work or were the CEO of the company.
Life’s Hardships can actually Lead to Happiness-If you can work through them with healing relatinoships.
To quote from one man in the study:
Before there were dysfunctional families, I came from one. My professional life hasn’t been disappointing—far from it—but the truly gratifying unfolding has been into the person I’ve slowly become: comfortable, joyful, connected, and effective. Since it wasn’t widely available then, I hadn’t read that children’s classic, The Velveteen Rabbit, which tells how connectedness is something we must let happen to us, and then we become solid and whole.
As that tale recounts tenderly, only love can make us real. Denied this in boyhood for reasons I now understand, it took me years to tap substitute sources. What seems marvelous is how many there are and how restorative they prove. What durable and pliable creatures we are, and what a storehouse of goodwill lurks in the social fabric. . . I never dreamed my later years would be so stimulating and rewarding.
The takeaway? Love can heal. Relationships can heal if they are supportive. Although friends and family are preeminent, a therapist can also provide a healing relationship. Contact us today for a free consultation if you want to talk to someone and increase the happiness in your own life.