By: Catherine Sangi, LPC Do you feel as though you are always in a power struggle with your child or teen? If so, here are some tried-and-true techniques to more easily manage behaviors and get your relationship with your child back on track. Counting to 3 Count ONLY to 3, and no half numbers. If the task is to pick up their toys the script might go something like this: Example:  Parent- “It is time to pick up your toys” Child- “one more minute” Parent- “This is the second reminder. It is time to pick up your toys” Child- *ignores you* Parent- “This is the third reminder, now *insert consequence here*” Important Things to Know About Consequences The time must fit the crime. Make it realistic. Be sure you can follow through. Is it realistic and appropriate to go to bed five minutes earlier for not picking up toys? Yes Is it realistic and appropriate to take away their tablet for a week for not picking up toys? No Be Consistent! If you consistently lack follow-through with consequences, then your child knows that the consequences do not matter and they will continue to break the rules. Prioritize Quality Time What do kids want? Your undivided attention. Time-out is not the time to get it. It is important not to bargain or argue with your child. Give the consequence and walk away. Did they say “I hate you”? Take a deep breath and keep walking. It is OKAY for your child or teen to get the last word. It doesn’t mean you have lost control.  Being able to keep your ‘cool,’ even when your child says something that triggers hurt feelings or anger, means that you are the one IN control. It is important to set aside at least 15 minutes per day with each of your children doing whatever it is that they want. Do they want to show you the newest Fortnite dances? Do they want to paint their nails? Do they want to watch a TV show? Do they want to play cards? Whatever it is (if it is age appropriate, of course), then do it with them! Homework time after school does not count as quality time spent together. The goal is that the more built-in positive attention we give our kids then the less negative attention they will seek from us. Talk about it! Before trying any new behavior system it is important to let your child know what to expect. Kids like structure and knowing what is expected of them. Make sure you *make-believe* practice it with them so there are no surprises Expect a Little (or a lot) of Push-Back With any new boundary you can expect some increase in behaviors. This is totally normal as they are trying to push the boundary back to where they are used to it and like it. It is your job to hold that boundary anyway. Be Honest With Yourself If you read these tools and think to yourself, “But I’ve already tried that!”  Try to take a hard look at how long you gave that tool a chance, and how consistent you were able to be.  Parents can go into assigning rules and consequences with the best of intentions, but then find themselves struggling to maintain boundaries while also showing an appropriate amount of warmth.  But here’s the thing–being honest with yourself does not mean beating yourself up.  There is not a enough time or energy each day to be perfect.  You just need to be good enough.  And if you are reading this article to learn some parenting tips, you probably already are.