Blog Archives

Struggling to Find Your Person? Here Are Four Ways That Therapy Can Help You Find Success in Dating and Relationships

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Are you trying to put yourself out there in dating and relationships, but are struggling to find someone that you connect with?  Or maybe you haven’t even taken the “put yourself out there” step yet, because you are still recovering from past relationships.  Either way, if you feel that you are ready for a secure relationship, or want to be ready, here are the four ways that therapy can help with that. Education This one is key! A therapist that specializes in dating and relationships can help you gain important insights about yourself, such as what your attachment style is and how you communicate.  These are a huge part of how you function in all relationships. If you are struggling in dating and relationships and don’t at least have some basic knowledge about yourself in these areas, you are setting yourself up for failure! Processing the Past Sometimes, the reason we are not functioning well in current relationships is because we have not yet worked through past attachment injuries or traumatic experiences we had in past relationships. This can create obstacles to allowing ourselves to trust and be vulnerable with others. Holding back might protect us in the moment, but it also leads to never having a genuine, secure relationship with another person.  Therapy creates a safe space where you can bring up anything, without fear of judgment.  And even if you think that you have processed all your past experiences on your own, or with friends, nothing compares to having a trained professional as an unbiased therapeutic partner.  Your therapist will help you sift through these experiences in a safe way, while helping you gain some insights and integrate them into your life story in a way that will allow you to go into future relationships as your best self. Defining Goals and Action Steps Determining what your values and goals are in the area of dating and relationships is really important, and also something that often gets overlooked. One important thing to know is how values are different than goals.  A value is the way you want to be in a certain domain of life.  It is an ongoing process.  A goal is something that you accomplish and can then “cross off your list.”  For example, if your goal is to be in a relationship, then once you have found your person, that goal is completed.  A value in relationships would be something more like: “I want to be a loving and loyal partner.”  That is ongoing and something you must continue to check in on.  Once you know your values, you can create your goals.  Once you know your goals, you can work with your therapist to break these into action steps categorized as short, medium, and long-term. Accountability It’s easy to set goals, but the follow-through is where many of us struggle. Therapy is a great place to gain accountability to make sure that you are taking the action steps that you have committed to, toward your goal of improving your functioning in dating and relationships.  A therapist will do this in a loving and non-judgmental way.   Instead of allowing you to beat yourself up when you are dragging your feet on taking action, a therapist will help you assess what barriers might be getting in your way. Do you feel like you need help with finding more success in dating and relationships?  Then I recommend determining whether therapy might be the next step you need to take.  You don’t have to struggle alone!  Therapists are trained to help you learn about yourself, uncover potential barriers, gain new skills, and hold yourself accountable in applying those new skills. Reach out today to connect with one of our licensed therapists!

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Alone For The Holidays? Here’s How to Navigate The Holiday Blues Like a Pro

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC As winter rolls in, it’s normal for the holiday season to bring on a range of emotions.  Especially for those navigating it alone. The pressure to be festive and joyful can sometimes intensify feelings of loneliness and isolation.  This can then lead to a potential onset of depression. That being said, I’m here to help!  Here are some practical things that you can do, to help you beat the winter blues, and find solace and joy this holiday season. Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in combating winter depression is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. It’s okay not to be overjoyed during the holiday season, especially if you’re navigating it solo. Allow yourself the space to feel and process your emotions without judgment. Observing without judgement is key! Understanding that it’s normal to experience a range of feelings during this time can be a powerful first step toward overcoming depression. Create a Self-Care Routine: In the midst of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it’s easy to neglect self-care. Establishing a consistent self-care routine can be a lifeline during the winter months. This could include activities such as meditation, yoga, or a warm bath. Prioritize getting enough sleep, eating nourishing foods, and engaging in activities that bring you a sense of peace and relaxation. Embrace Nature and Natural Light: The winter months often bring shorter days and less natural sunlight, which can impact mood and energy levels. Counteract this by making a conscious effort to spend time outdoors during daylight hours. Whether it’s a brisk walk at a nearby park, or simply sitting by a window, exposure to natural light can positively influence your mood and help combat feelings of depression.  If you feel that you are struggling to get enough daylight, due to working in an office all day, another great option is buying a sun lamp that you can use at home a few times a week. Set Realistic Expectations: The pressure to create a picture-perfect holiday season can be overwhelming, especially when you’re doing it alone. Set realistic expectations for yourself and recognize that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. Focus on creating moments of joy and simplicity rather than striving for an unrealistic ideal. Allow yourself the freedom to celebrate the season in a way that feels authentic to you.  Be sure to schedule a few winter activities to which you can look forward.  The holiday lights event at Denver’s Botanical Gardens is an excellent option for a single person.  While you engage in activities like this, be sure to ground yourself in the moment and express or visualize your gratitude for where you are in your life. Connect Virtually with Loved Ones: While physical distance may separate you from loved ones, technology allows for virtual connections that can bridge the gap. Schedule video calls with friends and family to share laughter, stories, and even holiday traditions. Building and maintaining connections, even from a distance, can provide a sense of belonging and alleviate feelings of loneliness. Volunteer or Give Back: One effective way to combat depression is by shifting the focus to others. Consider volunteering for a local charity or participating in community events. Helping those in need not only provides a sense of purpose but also fosters a connection to your community. Acts of kindness, no matter how small, can have a huge impact on your mental well-being. Create Your Own Traditions: Rather than dwelling on what you may be missing, use this time to establish your own holiday traditions. Whether it’s trying out new recipes, watching favorite movies, or embarking on a solo adventure, creating personal traditions can make the season feel special and uniquely yours. Seek Professional Support: If feelings of depression feel unmanageable, be sure to reach out for support.  A therapist can provide guidance, coping strategies, and a safe space to express your emotions. Therapy, whether in person or online, can be a valuable resource for navigating the challenges that the winter and holiday season may bring. Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude: Cultivate a mindset of mindfulness and gratitude to shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. Keep a gratitude journal, noting down the positive aspects of each day (I often do this at the end of the day, right before I go to sleep.)  Engage in mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing or meditation, to stay present and appreciate the simple joys that surround you. Set Personal Goals: The winter season can be an excellent time to set personal goals that bring a sense of accomplishment. Whether it’s learning a new skill, pursuing a hobby, or setting fitness targets, having goals to work towards can provide structure and purpose. Achieving these goals, no matter how small, can contribute positively to your mental well-being. Navigating the winter blues as a single person during the holiday season is a journey that requires self-compassion, intentional self-care, and the courage to seek support when needed. By acknowledging your feelings, embracing self-care, and creating meaningful connections, you have the power to shape a season that brings not only joy but also a renewed sense of self. Remember, you are not alone in facing these challenges, and there is strength in recognizing and addressing the impact of the winter blues head-on.

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Why Are Women Experiencing More Anxiety Than Ever Before?

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC As a therapist, I am seeing an unprecedented number of women plagued with debilitating anxiety.  Sometimes, it’s about something specific, like relationship issues with a partner. Other times, it’s about ALL of the things.  Like the anxiety “swarm of bees” just decides what random thing it wants to hover over that day.  And trust me, I get it.  I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) back in 2012, when I was in graduate school, studying to become a therapist. I was like: “Me? I’m fine, but if I’m studying to become a therapist, I should probably see what being in therapy actually feels like.”  And then my therapist was like “You worry more than the average person.  You have anxiety.”  I was shook.  For approximately ten seconds.  And then I was like “yes, I do worry A LOT.”  Since then, the intensity of my anxiety has ebbed and flowed.  There have been times when it was so bad that I needed to be on medication to function.  And now, it has been at a mostly manageable level for years.  This is because I found the coping skills that work best for me and am very consistent in using those when I notice the warning signs (for example: irritability, a weird eye twitch, and a lack of focus) that come up when my symptoms of anxiety are starting to worsen. But enough about me! And back to women in general.  While the modern world has undoubtedly brought significant progress and empowerment to women, it has also ushered in a new set of challenges and stressors that disproportionately affect them. So, let’s talk about why women are facing more anxiety than ever. Gender Expectations and Societal Pressures: Historically, women have been subjected to societal norms that demand we balance multiple roles and responsibilities. In modern times, these expectations have evolved, but they persist. Women often feel the pressure to excel in their careers, maintain their households, raise children, and support their families financially. It appears that we often base our worth on how productive, or worse, perfect we are. When you have a day where you are lacking motivation or energy, how do you feel about that? Do you allow yourself the space to take a “recharge” day?  Or are you frustrated with yourself for not getting everything done on your list? Body Image and Self-Esteem: The media and advertising industries continue to propagate unrealistic standards of beauty. With the advent of social media, these unattainable beauty ideals are now constantly in women’s faces. This persistent exposure can lead to body image issues and low self-esteem, which are well-documented factors contributing to anxiety and depression.  Think about it, how many times this week have you beat yourself up for something about your physical appearance? Work-Life Balance: In today’s fast-paced world, achieving a healthy work-life balance is increasingly challenging. Women often find themselves juggling the demands of a full-time job with domestic responsibilities and childcare. This struggle to balance personal and professional life can lead to burnout, stress, and anxiety.  And even if you don’t have kids, balancing dating or other relationships (love, friendship, family) can feel overwhelming, in addition to working and the much-needed self-care. #MeToo Movement and Gender-Based Violence: The #MeToo movement brought to light the pervasive issue of sexual harassment and gender-based violence that women often face in various aspects of their lives, including the workplace. The increased awareness of these issues has amplified women’s concerns about their safety and well-being, leading to heightened anxiety.  In my work as a therapist, I have seen women showing up with symptoms of trauma related to an assault that happened years ago.  Awareness is great, but it can also bring up issues that were dormant, or that we didn’t even know were issues. Social Comparison on social media: While social media platforms provide opportunities for connection and self-expression, they also foster a culture of comparison. Women frequently compare their lives, bodies, and achievements to the seemingly perfect lives depicted by others on social media. This constant comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.  Think about all of the other factors we have already mentioned.  Social media creates inevitable comparison, which makes us ‘should’ all over ourselves.  I should be thinner.  I should have a cleaner house.  I should make more money.  I should be traveling more.  I should be farther in my career.  I should be packing my kids those fancy lunches.  And on and on and on. There are obviously so many other reasons that are contributing to women experiencing more anxiety than ever.  I’M LOOKING AT YOU, CURRENT WORLD EVENTS!  But the bottom line of all of this are these simple truths: You are not alone in your struggles with anxiety. You are not “crazy.” You are having a normal response to anxiety-provoking things. You don’t have to feel this way forever. Anxiety is super treatable. Ask for help now, you don’t have to go through this alone! Need a therapist?  We offer in person and virtual sessions to anyone in Colorado and would love to help.  Reach out today to get connected to the therapist that matches to you.

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