By: Jessica Taylor, LPC
Are you trying to put yourself out there in dating and relationships, but are struggling to find someone that you connect with? Or maybe you haven’t even taken the “put yourself out there” step yet, because you are still recovering from past relationships. Either way, if you feel that you are ready for a secure relationship, or want to be ready, here are the four ways that therapy can help with that.
Education
This one is key! A therapist that specializes in dating and relationships can help you gain important insights about yourself, such as what your attachment style is and how you communicate. These are a huge part of how you function in all relationships. If you are struggling in dating and relationships and don’t at least have some basic knowledge about yourself in these areas, you are setting yourself up for failure!
Processing the Past
Sometimes, the reason we are not functioning well in current relationships is because we have not yet worked through past attachment injuries or traumatic experiences we had in past relationships. This can create obstacles to allowing ourselves to trust and be vulnerable with others. Holding back might protect us in the moment, but it also leads to never having a genuine, secure relationship with another person. Therapy creates a safe space where you can bring up anything, without fear of judgment. And even if you think that you have processed all your past experiences on your own, or with friends, nothing compares to having a trained professional as an unbiased therapeutic partner. Your therapist will help you sift through these experiences in a safe way, while helping you gain some insights and integrate them into your life story in a way that will allow you to go into future relationships as your best self.
Defining Goals and Action Steps
Determining what your values and goals are in the area of dating and relationships is really important, and also something that often gets overlooked. One important thing to know is how values are different than goals. A value is the way you want to be in a certain domain of life. It is an ongoing process. A goal is something that you accomplish and can then “cross off your list.” For example, if your goal is to be in a relationship, then once you have found your person, that goal is completed. A value in relationships would be something more like: “I want to be a loving and loyal partner.” That is ongoing and something you must continue to check in on. Once you know your values, you can create your goals. Once you know your goals, you can work with your therapist to break these into action steps categorized as short, medium, and long-term.
Accountability
It’s easy to set goals, but the follow-through is where many of us struggle. Therapy is a great place to gain accountability to make sure that you are taking the action steps that you have committed to, toward your goal of improving your functioning in dating and relationships. A therapist will do this in a loving and non-judgmental way. Instead of allowing you to beat yourself up when you are dragging your feet on taking action, a therapist will help you assess what barriers might be getting in your way.
Do you feel like you need help with finding more success in dating and relationships? Then I recommend determining whether therapy might be the next step you need to take. You don’t have to struggle alone! Therapists are trained to help you learn about yourself, uncover potential barriers, gain new skills, and hold yourself accountable in applying those new skills. Reach out today to connect with one of our licensed therapists!