By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Have you been struggling with an aspect of dating and/or love relationships, and wonder if individual therapy could be helpful? Often, when people think of therapy for relationships, couples counseling is the first thing that comes to mind.  But individual therapy can be immensely helpful for a wide range of relationship issues. As a therapist who specializes in adult attachment, I help individuals function their best in dating and relationships.  From my experience, here are five signs that I most often see “push” clients into individual therapy for relationships. Five Signs Individual Therapy Could Help Your Relationships You want a relationship, but you are avoiding dating altogether. Rejection sucks.  Absolutely no one on earth likes the feeling of being rejected.  Did you know that our brain is actually hardwired to fear rejection? It goes all the way back to caveman days.  If your caveman ancestor was rejected from the group, chances are he was not going to survive Winter all alone.  Because of this, our brain sees rejection as a life-or-death situation that it must avoid.  And then when we avoid things, guess what happens?  We are training our brain to send us even more anxiety signals the next time we are faced with a situation that could result in rejection.  It becomes more and more difficult to not avoid. Does this sound like the cycle you are stuck in?  Then it’s time to call a therapist! A therapist who specializes in using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to address the ways in which avoidance is negatively impacting your life is going to help you get unstuck.  That way, you can then take the action steps needed to get everything you want in dating and relationships. Every time you start dating someone new, you get anxious and overthink. People with an anxious adult attachment style tend to overthink in relationships.  Even the tiniest thing can make them spiral into negative or unhelpful stories.  For example, that person you are dating is taking way longer to respond to your text than they typically do.  And that’s when your mind starts filling in the blanks. “Maybe they are just in a meeting…but what if they don’t like me anymore…or they are dating other people?”  And on and on.  Remember what I said about our brain fearing rejection?  This also applies to abandonment.  And people with anxious attachment styles feel that the most intensely.  This can be triggered just by liking someone and not wanting to get hurt again, or it could be due to the other person having a more avoidant attachment style, which hits all your triggers perfectly. Either way, a therapist that works with attachment can help you identify what your attachment style is, as well as your triggers for overthinking.  That way you can go into new relationships with the tools to deal with triggers and assess the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships with your wise mind, rather than emotions. You are still grieving a past breakup, or find yourself obsessing over an ex. Breakups are maybe not as serious as someone dying, but they are a loss.  And any big loss we experience must be grieved appropriately.  Only then can we fully move on.  If you feel you have grieved, but are still struggling to move on, it is likely because you are unconsciously holding out hope that things will eventually work out with your ex.  Individual therapy for relationships can help you reach a state of radical acceptance, determine the things that are in and out of your control, and then fully go through the grieving process as needed. You think that you want to be with someone long-term, but you always find something wrong with the person you are dating. We already talked about what an anxious attachment type might look like, but let’s look at the avoidant attachment style. If you lean more avoidant, then you still fear rejection and/or abandonment.  It’s just that this fear is typically more unconscious and presents in different ways than it does with someone who is anxiously attached.  If you are avoidant, you often find yourself being overly critical of the people you date, until you find something “wrong” with them and detach from the relationship completely.  You find yourself unsure of whether you really even want a serious relationship.  If this is the case for you, again, an attachment therapist is the way to go.  They can help you sift through all your thoughts and feelings about relationships in a safe, non-judgmental space. Your low self-esteem is preventing you from getting close to people. Are you scared of dating because you are believing negative thoughts about yourself?  Your brain is telling you that you shouldn’t try to date until you are thinner.  Or prettier.  Or have more money.  But here’s the thing.  You are worthy of a happy and healthy relationship right now.  If you wait until you are X,Y, or Z before you allow yourself to become vulnerable and put yourself out there in dating and relationships, you are going to always find something else to be critical of, and will continue avoiding.  Therapy can help you silence this inner critic and see your worth. Individual Therapy for Relationships If any of these five issues stuck out to you, then there is something holding you back from finding success in dating and relationships.  And individual therapy can help you overcome that barrier. I recommend finding a therapist who specializes in this area, and finally investing in yourself.