By: Jessica Taylor, LPC
What is social anxiety?
What do you picture when you think of someone struggling with social anxiety? I’m guessing it’s someone who avoids social situations at all cost, because they experience cognitive and physical symptoms of anxiety that are triggered by being around others. The DSM-5 defines social anxiety disorder as: “Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.” What you might not know is that there are also some other ‘sneaky’ signs of social anxiety. And these are important to acknowledge; especially if you find yourself struggling to function at your best in some domain of life (dating, public speaking, etc.) that involves social aspects. If any of these apply to you, and are impacting your ability to socialize and/or function well in relationships, this might be something you need to explore with a therapist.
Three Sneaky Signs of Social Anxiety
Sign #1: You feel irritable in certain social situations.
Maybe you feel comfortable around family or friends; and you feel fine going to the same places you always frequent. But when you must go to new places, or meet new people, you find that you are “on edge” or just downright irritable. For example, you dread when your partner asks you to go to their holiday party every year. Or when you are trying to find parking at your new doctor’s office, you find yourself having road rage. If you have symptoms of social anxiety, these are most likely being triggered, but your body is sending you anger signals rather than nervous signals.
Sign #2: Other people have described you as “cold” or unapproachable.
Have other people ever given you not-so-great feedback about how you come across when you are in certain social situations? You see yourself as a nice person, but that’s not always how others see you. They view you as unapproachable, or even worse–rude. Often times, when people are struggling with thoughts related to low self-esteem, or are feeling self-conscious while socializing, their outside “vibes” don’t match their inside thoughts and feelings. If this is you, then you are likely (consciously or unconsciously) worried about how others are viewing you, which makes you “clam up.” This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are worried that people won’t like you, but people don’t usually approach others if they don’t feel welcome to do so.
Sign #3: You hate when plans change last minute.
Do you become irritable or angry when plans with friends seem disorganized or change at the last minute? This might be related to social anxiety because people with social anxiety like when they feel in control and when they know what to expect. When your date decides in the final hour that they actually want to go to a different restaurant, and you become irritated for seemingly no reason, it’s probably because your fear brain is being triggered.
Do you have social anxiety?
It’s important to note that these are not necessarily symptoms that the DSM-5 uses to describe social anxiety. If you experience any or all of these traits, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you qualify for a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder. But as most mental health professionals acknowledge, diagnosis often only takes us so far. In addition, these traits are also at times related to an introverted personality type. Bottomline, if you are struggling to function at your best in any situation or domain of life, it might be time to explore therapy. Ready to take the action steps necessary to figure out how to manage your symptoms of anxiety? We’re here to help! Give us a call to get scheduled with a therapist at Thrive Counseling in Denver, CO today.