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How to Create a Plan That Helps Maintain a Good Mood

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Creating a Plan Can Help Maintain a Good Baseline Mood Experiencing fluctuations in our mood and functioning are part of the human experience.  At certain points in your life, you are going to go through grief and sadness.  At other times you might feel a sense of excitement about what is to come next.  Then there will be transitional points where you feel an increase in symptoms of anxiety.  If you are someone who struggles with mental health issues, these fluctuations may come and go a bit more rapidly than for others. While some aspects of mood changes are out of our control, there are ways that you can work to maintain a decent baseline mood, no matter what comes your way. In my work as a therapist, one common thing I create with clients is what I call a “daily mood maintenance plan.”  A little wordy, I know.  But writing this plan out, and posting it at a place in your house that is visible to you every day, can be transformative for your mood.  Because sometimes we know the things we should be doing to help our mood and functioning, but we just need a reminder to stay consistent with these things.  So, if you are someone that struggles with dips in your mood or spikes of anxiety, I encourage you to pull out your iPad, or pen and paper, and create your own mood maintenance plan with this outline that I have created. The Different Parts of The Daily Mood Maintenance Plan The Daily Habits You Need to Maintain What are the things that you need to be doing daily to help yourself function well and feel your best? First, focus on the “big 4:” food, water, sleep, and movement. What is optimal for you in all those areas?  For example, I need at least 8 hours of sleep to function the next day.  I also aim to get a daily walk, enough protein, and 80 ounces of water each day. Some other examples of positive daily habits are: taking your medications, texting or calling a friend, writing down 1 small win from the day, etc. People, Places, Things, or Situations that Might Trigger Your Mood and Functioning to Get Worse What things have negatively impacted your mood in the past? Some examples are: forgetting to take your medication, being hungry, having a big presentation coming up at work, or having a disagreement with your partner. Warning Signs That Your Mood is Getting Worse What are the internal and external signs that you might be ramping up to experience some symptoms of anxiety, depression, burnout, etc.? This might include some of the typical symptoms of mental illness, but it can look different for everyone. Some people might have more external signs such as isolating themselves away from loved ones, or getting irritable more frequently. Other people might experience internal signs, such as an increase in negative thoughts, or feeling fatigued for seemingly no reason. Coping Skills That You Can Use When These Warning Signs Show Up These are the things, outside of your daily habits, which you can put into action when you notice your warning signs for a mood disruption. Examples are reaching out to a therapist, using mindfulness techniques, or taking deep breaths. It is helpful to figure out which coping skills match your personality (as that will make you more likely to use them), and have them written down (maybe in a note in your phone?) Sometimes when we are anxious or depressed, we forget the things that can help us get back to our baseline mood. Signs That You Need to Reach Out to Others for Support What are the signs that your mood and functioning are continuing to worsen, and it’s time to reach out to other people for support? This might include an increase in substance use or abuse, thoughts of harming yourself, struggling to get out of bed, etc. A List of Your Support People Who are the people that you know will be able to support you if you are getting to a place of crisis? This can include friends, family members, your therapist, the crisis center in your area, or even the suicide prevention hotline. It’s Okay to Ask for Help Need help creating this daily mood maintenance plan?  Our therapists would be honored to walk with you as you create your personalized plan to help you better manage your symptoms of anxiety, depression, trauma, etc.  Reach out today to get started!

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sleep hygiene

Are You Struggling with Insomnia? The Problem Might be Your Sleep Hygiene

Jessica Taylor, LPC Why Do So Many of Us Struggle with Sleep? I’m guessing you clicked on this blog post because you are struggling with at least one aspect of sleep.  Falling asleep, staying asleep, or nightmares and vivid dreams waking you up in the middle of the night. Getting enough sleep is essential to our productivity and maintaining good mental health. Yet, statistics show that between 37 and 40 percent of adults report not getting enough sleep, also known as sleep deprivation. Why is that?  Well, when working with my clients, and doing a quick assessment of their sleep hygiene, I almost always immediately notice something they are doing or not doing that is probably hurting their sleep quality or quantity. To improve our sleep, we must first address our sleep hygiene. Sleep hygiene is defined as the things in our life (like behaviors, habits, and environmental factors) that can be shifted to improve our sleep. Here are the do’s and don’ts of sleep hygiene. And before you hear some of these and say “yeah, duh, those are obvious!” Ask yourself: how any of the do’s am I actually doing and how many of the don’ts am I doing.  You might be surprised by how bad your sleep hygiene is! The Do’s and Don’ts of Sleep Hygiene DO start winding down an hour before you want to go to sleep. DON’T use substances right before bed (these are sedatives and might help us initially pass out, but then we won’t really get good restorative REM sleep.  Or might even wake up in the middle of the night and struggle to fall back asleep.) DO a more boring activity before bed (for you, this might be reading or folding laundry) DON’T exercise close to bedtime. DO monitor your caffeine intake (The general rule is no caffeine after 2 pm.) DON’T take naps throughout the day. DO go to bed at the same time every night. DON’T hang out in your bed all day. DO take a warm shower or bath. DON’T spend time on your phone for the last 30 minutes before the time you want to fall asleep. DO write your to-do list for the next day. DON’T ruminate on things out of your control (write them down and release; tell yourself that you can come back to them the next day, if necessary.) DO say a mantra, do affirmations, or pray. DON’T drink a bunch of water right before bed. DO have a routine. DON’T catastrophize if you can’t fall or stay asleep (Here’s an example of how to do this: “what’s the worst that could happen?  I’ll be tired tomorrow.  That would suck, but I would be okay.”) DO a guided meditation before bed and if you wake up in the middle of the night. DON’T give up after only a short time of trying these do’s and don’ts. Consistency is essential. DO seek help if needed or to rule out a medical issue. DON’T get overwhelmed, just integrate one or two of these into your life each month.   If you feel like something else might be going on, aside from poor sleep hygiene, make sure to check in with your doctor to rule out any underlying medical issues.  If you do that, and are struggling to maintain consistency with sleep hygiene, therapy is a great place to find accountability.  

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Why Discipline is More Important than Motivation

Most of our clients here at Thrive Counseling have certain goals that their therapist helps them with. Common goals we see are: Improve relationships Stop feeling depressed or anxious Find a career direction Be more financially stable Get anger under control Learn from a break-up how to be a better partner Understand and stop impulsive, self-defeating behaviors In addition, most of the clients that I see also think they need to have motivation in order to work on any of these goals. I hear things like this all the time: Once I get motivated, then I know I can exercise regularly. If I could only find out how to motivate myself, then I could be better. I’ve lost my motivation and I don’t know how to get it back The Truth about Motivation Here’s the thing about motivation: it’s a feeling. Like an emotion, we experience it for a time and then it passes. It’s a pleasant feeling for sure, I love feeling motivated. I find it uplifting and energizing. However, just like any feeling or emotion, I don’t have any direct control over it. I can’t make it stay or make it go. I can’t make it more intense or less intense. I can’t conjure it when I think it would serve me. It’s true that when I have the happy circumstance of experiencing this feeling of motivation, I tend to find it easier to do things that I normally find difficult (like getting in a workout after a long day at the office, or snacking on carrots rather than cheetos). But it’s not a necessary component to do any of these things. If I really had to, I could work out even if I don’t feel motivation. My body can exercise when I feel sad, or lonely, or angry, or any number of emotions that come and go through our awareness every single day. Learning to Separate Emotions from Behaviors So here’s the trick to get around motivation; we need to stop thinking of it as the essential ingredient to do difficult things, and instead put it in it’s rightful place of something that’s a nice extra, but not the starting point. Experiencing motivation before we do a behavior (or while doing it) is like icing on the cake; it’s really lovely and it should be savored, but don’t get overly attached to it. And certainly don’t expect it or wait around for it. That’s a waste of time and energy simply because we don’t control it (it would be nice if we could, but we just can’t). If we can separate our feelings from our behaviors, we give ourselves a lot more room to act. If I give myself permission to feel anything under the sun while I do a behavior that I value (say, exercising), then I free myself up. If I wait around until I feel like exercising, I’m no longer in control (and I could be waiting a really long time). Sometimes I coach myself through this with an inner monologue something like this: I value my health. I’m choosing to do some exercise right now. Even if I hate every single minute of it, or feel angry about it, I know that my muscles and my heart and lungs don’t know or care what I’m feeling on a moment-to-moment basis. I wish I felt motivated or uplifted, but I just don’t right now, and that’s ok. Here’s Where Discipline Comes In We can think about the opposite of motivate as discipline. Discipline doesn’t mean you’re in trouble or get a punishment, not in this sense. Discipline is the ongoing practice of acting in accordance to a rule or a set of standards. The only “rule” that matters here is the one you assign yourself. Discipline is the thing that happens when you expend some effort (both physical and mental) to do a thing that in that moment, you don’t feel like doing. Everyone has discipline for certain things. People usually don’t feel like getting out of bed with their alarm every single morning; but they usually do. That little bit of effort that you use on those days that you’re rather sleep in, but instead you get up to go to work, that’s discipline. Discipline doesn’t need to be extreme or self-punishing; it’s just the choices that you make every day. The beauty of using discipline to reach goals rather than motivation is discipline is something you can control (unlike a feeling like motivation). Discipline doesn’t really take into account your thoughts or feelings. They are important, of course, but it’s your actions that move you towards your goals, not just your thoughts and feelings. Getting Started with Discipline When you’re getting started with discipline, it’s okay to start small. Set a small and achievable goal and be flexibile with yourself. What you’re looking for is to locate how it feels to let go of your immediate feelings and take a action that you value. Some clients say it’s like pushing through a stubborn door, or expending some mental effort, or the proverbial “taking it one step at a time.” It’s okay if you’re not perfect with your goal; the key is to be curious about this new way of doing things, and observe what comes up. Here’s some good self-reflection questions: Do you find yourself wishing you had different thoughts and feelings when you do this behavior? Do you find your feelings shift and change as you do this behavior? Why is this behavior important to you? Does the effort to do this behavior change day-to-day? There are not wrong answers, these are just questions to get you curious about your experience.

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Denver Therapist counseling

How To Make Your New Year’s Resolution Stick

This is a post from the American Psychological Association with great ideas to make your New Year’s Resolution stick. Lose weight? Check. Start exercising? Check. Stop smoking? Check. It can be daunting when your list of New Year’s Resolutions is as long as your holiday shopping list. In addition to the post-holiday slump, not being able to keep your resolutions by February, March or even late January may increase your anxiety. When your holiday decorations are packed up and stored away, the frustration of an unused gym membership or other reminders of failed resolutions can make the later winter months feel hopeless. However, it is important to remember that the New Year isn’t meant to serve as a catalyst for sweeping character changes. It is a time for people to reflect on their past year’s behavior and promise to make positive lifestyle changes. “Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for,” says psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD. “Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.” By making your resolutions realistic, there is a greater chance that you will keep them throughout the year, incorporating healthy behavior into your everyday life. APA offers these tips when thinking about a News Year’s resolution: Start small Make resolutions that you think you can keep. If, for example, your aim is to exercise more frequently, schedule three or four days a week at the gym instead of seven. If you would like to eat healthier, try replacing dessert with something else you enjoy, like fruit or yogurt, instead of seeing your diet as a form of punishment. Change one behavior at a time Unhealthy behaviors develop over the course of time. Thus, replacing unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones requires time. Don’t get overwhelmed and think that you have to reassess everything in your life. Instead, work toward changing one thing at a time. Talk about it Share your experiences with family and friends. Consider joining a support group to reach your goals, such as a workout class at your gym or a group of coworkers quitting smoking. Having someone to share your struggles and successes with makes your journey to a healthier lifestyle that much easier and less intimidating. Don’t beat yourself up Perfection is unattainable. Remember that minor missteps when reaching your goals are completely normal and OK. Don’t give up completely because you ate a brownie and broke your diet, or skipped the gym for a week because you were busy. Everyone has ups and downs; resolve to recover from your mistakes and get back on track. Ask for support Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen strengthens your resilience and ability to manage stress caused by your resolution. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to meet your goals on your own, consider seeking professional help. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies as to how to adjust your goals so that they are attainable, as well as help you change unhealthy behaviors and address emotional issues.

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how can I improve my motivation

How to make a new habit

Everyone’s been talking about New Year’s Resolutions lately. We all know, love, or loathe these January Jumpstarts. While trying not to fume at how crowded my Kickboxing class is becoming, I do try to take stock at the beginning of the year and focus on healthy habits. Forming a new habit is tough. Our old habits are like grooves worn into our brains from repeated use. It’s easy to fall into them and roll merrily along.  But it’s possible to create new habits and stick with them. Here’s some tips for making your new habit stick: 1. Cue yourself A habit is simply an automatic behavior. It’s easier to make new behaviors automatic if we have a cue. You could use many things to cue yourself, like the alarm on your phone or a strategically placed post-it. You could also make a different behavior a cue, like walking in your door after work could cue you to take the dog for a walk. 2. Create a parallel behavior Old habits never quite go away, but they grow weaker over time. Research shows that to create a new habit, you should piggy-back on an existing habit. Take a habit you want to break, like smoking, and replace it with a healthy habit, such as getting more exercise. The smoking habit is already lodged in your brain and there are many cues to smoke. Use this to your advantage by engaging in your new behavior (taking a walk) whenever you would reach for the cigarettes. 3. Give it 30 days (or more) I’ve heard many times that it takes 30 days to make a habit. Maria over at Brain Pickings  reminds us that magic numbers always require a grain of empirical salt. Simple habits like drinking a glass of water in the morning may be formed in 30 days, but more involved habits like exercising take a longer time.  So give yourself some time, and stick with it. It will become automatic eventually.

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