Erin Carpenter, Author at Thrive Counseling

Blog Archives

Pandemic Fatigue: What Is It and How Can We Deal with It?

How to Cope with Social Anxiety Due to the COVID-19 Pandemic

How to Cope if You Are Experiencing More Social Anxiety Due to the COVID-19 Pandemic By: Jessica Taylor, LPC For over a year now, most of us have been waiting to live a life again that has less restrictions. And that is starting to happen with more and more people being vaccinated each day. But as you notice life going back to ‘normal’ (in even the smallest of ways) are you also noticing that you are feeling more anxious when you are out in social situations? If so, you are not alone. There are scientific studies being conducted right now to determine the long-term mental health impacts of isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic. For over twelve months we have had to take multiple social distancing precautions (masks, hand sanitizer and keeping six feet distance from others) when we go anywhere outside of our home. Because of this, it makes sense that our “anxiety brain” wants us to stay hypervigilant, even when we are in relatively ‘safe’ environments (such as spending time with a small group of vaccinated people). If you believe that what you are experiencing might be social anxiety, continue reading to learn the signs and symptoms, as well as steps you can take right now to start feeling better. Signs and Symptoms Inappropriate level of anxiety in certain social situations. Are you noticing that social situations (i.e. going to the grocery store or meeting a friend for a hike) that did not make you feel anxious before the pandemic, now feel scary or overwhelming? Buying into unhelpful thoughts. Do you notice that when you are out in public, you are believing unhelpful and (likely) unrealistic thoughts? Individuals that struggle with symptoms of social anxiety often “buy into” anxious thoughts that their brain sends them, such as: “Everyone is looking at and judging me.” Physical symptoms of anxiety. The physical manifestations of social anxiety do vary, but common somatic symptoms often include a feeling that your heart is racing, shortness of breath, feeling shaky, ‘butterflies’ or tightness in your stomach or chest, sweating, etc. Avoidance of certain situations. The most common response to symptoms of anxiety is avoidance. If something makes us feel uncomfortable or scared, it is difficult to resist the urge to opt out of certain activities or environments. If you notice that you are avoiding things that you engaged in prior to the pandemic, you are probably doing so because you are struggling with symptoms of social anxiety. Avoiding eye contact. Do you find yourself avoiding looking others in the eye? This is a common symptom of social anxiety and it makes sense that this would be difficult after spending a majority of the year on video calls. Avoiding speaking with others or speaking quietly. Interacting with strangers is a common trigger for symptoms of social anxiety, so those that are experiencing even mild symptoms of the disorder will often avoid interactions with others. In some situations, this is not a problem, but it can begin to increase your level of isolation, and prolonged isolation is linked to low self-esteem and depression. How to Begin Reducing Symptoms of Social Anxiety Right Now Don’t shame yourself. Repeat after me: It is okay that I am experiencing social anxiety. While the experience of symptoms of anxiety cause discomfort, this does not mean there is something wrong with you, or that you are weak. It just means that your body and brain are responding to everything you have experienced this year. If you shame yourself for the way you are feeling, any symptoms of anxiety or depression are only going to worsen, which can result in the use of unhealthy coping skills or avoidance. Don’t avoid. Avoidance feels so good when you are experiencing anxiety. If you have been using avoidance up until now, that is okay. It probably felt like that was the only tool you had in your toolbox at that point. But if you continue to avoid stimuli that trigger your symptoms of anxiety, your brain is only going to send you more anxious thoughts in order to convince you to continue to avoid things in the future. Don’t overwhelm yourself. We don’t want to avoid the things that make us anxious, but we also don’t want to move too quickly. Write down all of the situations that trigger your social anxiety and that you are currently avoiding. Then write down small action steps (i.e. go to the grocery store and listen to a podcast while I’m going through the aisles, but say hello to the cashier) you can start taking to begin engaging in those activities/social environments again. Listen to guided meditations. Symptoms of anxiety tend to make us stress out about things that have already happened, or things that could happen in the future. Both of those are out of your control. This is why treatment for symptoms of anxiety often focuses on the here-and-now; because that is in your control. One great way to practice ‘training’ your mind to stay grounded in the present moment is to engage in mindfulness activities such as guided meditations. These are easy to find! Just download an app on your phone or go on YouTube and search something like “guided meditation for social anxiety.” Check-in on your basic needs. Your symptoms of anxiety are much more likely to be triggered if your basic needs are not being cared for. Before you leave the house for a situation that might be anxiety-provoking, make sure that you get enough sleep the night before. Have a good meal and drink enough water (while avoiding caffeine) the day of. In addition, consistent movement, such as daily walks are great for reducing general symptoms of anxiety. Ask for support. If you must go somewhere and are feeling anxious about it, ask a friend to join! Consider Counseling. Reaching out for counseling is also a great idea if your symptoms of social anxiety are making it hard to function in certain areas of your life. A therapist will practice coping skills with

How to Not Let Pandemic Weight Gain Negatively Impact Your Mental Health

How to Not Let Pandemic Weight Gain Negatively Impact Your Mental Health By: Jessica Taylor, LPC According to a survey done last year, approximately 71 million Americans report that they have gained weight during the COVID-19 pandemic. This widespread weight gain is happening for many different reasons, including more sedentary lifestyles and using food and alcohol as a coping skill. Remember that weight gain itself is not bad. It is just neutral. It is up to you (and your physician) to determine what your healthy weight is. What I want to focus on is how to not let pandemic weight gain negatively impact your self-esteem and/or your mental health. If you have struggled with disordered eating habits in the past, weight gain due to the pandemic might be especially triggering. Or maybe you are noticing that just since the pandemic you have started buying into some harmful thoughts about your weight, and this is increasing symptoms of anxiety or depression. If getting weight gain under control is a goal of yours, it might be helpful to talk to your primary care physician and/or get a referral to a Registered Dietician. But no matter what your goals are around your weight, there are strategies to help you maintain a positive self-image and maintain a healthy baseline mood despite any changes your body is going through. These strategies might also helpful if you are experiencing weight changes for any reason other than the pandemic. Practice cognitive defusion from harmful stories. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) asserts that all of us get sent automatic ‘stories’ (thoughts) from our brain. These stories are directly tied to our emotions. For example, if my brain sends me the thought: “I’ve gained so much weight in the last year and I cannot let my friends see me like this,” I have two choices: to believe this thought or defuse from it (not believe it). If I buy into that thought, I’m probably going to feel pretty sad, angry and lonely. These automatic thoughts are a result of our worldview, which is formed based on our life experiences, mental health issues, relationships, etc. Getting rid of these thoughts permanently might not be possible, but what you can do is defuse from them, or simply put—just don’t buy in. Just because you are thinking something doesn’t make it true. Remember that your thoughts about yourself are often biased by your worldview. So, ask yourself if the stories you are currently buying into are helpful or harmful in getting to your goals (losing weight, improving self-esteem, etc.) If the answer is that they are harmful, and will prevent you from achieving your goals, then practice ‘defusion’ strategies as a means to begin giving less power to these particular thoughts. Repeat a mantra Another way to counteract negative thoughts is to come up with a more helpful (less harmful) mantra to repeat to yourself as needed. This does not need to be a super positive “sunshine and rainbows” mantra (unless you’re into that); it can just be something more neutral. For example, here is a helpful mantra that you can say to yourself if you are worried about pandemic weight gain: “I am worthy of self-love, and love from others, no matter the size of my body.” Or maybe something even more neutral such as: “It’s okay that I have gained weight; this was a stressful year.” Write this down and post it somewhere that you are going to look on a regular basis. Assess whether social media is helping or harming your inner dialogue If certain content on social media is making you more susceptible to buy into those harmful thoughts your brain sends you, consider unfollowing certain accounts or just taking a hiatus from social media altogether. While we all know by now that the content others post on social media is carefully curated, and that we are usually only seeing the ‘highlights’, this doesn’t make it any less difficult to avoid comparing ourselves to others when we are constantly seeing their lives through a perfection lens and ours through a very critical lens. Engage in movement for enjoyment If you find that you are struggling to engage in regular movement, consider what you are currently using to try to motivate yourself to exercise. If you are saying that you must exercise to lose weight, and you are struggling to get yourself to engage in exercise, then maybe you need to find a different way of motivating yourself. Thinking about exercising to burn calories can make us feel overwhelmed or see things in a black-and-white way (i.e.: “It’s pointless to work out today because I’m never going to burn off that cake I ate earlier.”) Instead, just set a goal of moving your body for 30 minutes per day. Exercise has other important benefits aside from losing weight, such as producing chemicals in your brain that will help you feel happier and less anxious. Practice mindful eating and drinking Practicing mindfulness when you are eating and drinking is a huge factor when attempting to get unhealthy habits under control. Here are some quick things you can try today: Check-in with yourself regarding the why for eating/drinking in that moment: Are you actually feeling hungry or are you using food or alcohol to cope with feeling stressed, bored, etc.? Eat slowly, with no distractions. Use your five senses while you eat and drink. Again, food and alcohol are not innately bad. They are neutral. Is it just important to make sure that we are not using binge eating or drinking as a means of coping or distraction from life’s stressors. There are much healthier ways to cope that will not result in feelings of shame or guilt. Treat yourself like you treat your best friend If you are noticing yourself buying into mean thoughts about your weight, ask yourself one simple question: Would I talk to my best friend like this? Probably not, right? When we hear our

The Do’s and Don’ts of Connecting with Your Teenager

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Sometimes it feels impossible to connect with your teenage. Maybe you’re worried about them and want to see how they’re doing. Perhaps you simply miss them. Keeping a strong connection with your teen can head off mental health issues before they arise. If your teen is already struggling with anxiety, depression, identity or eating issues, connection is vitally important. Do Schedule Meals Together-With No Technology With busy schedules making the days fly by, scheduling family dinners is often the best way to get in some much-needed quality time. But be sure to not let this precious time together pass by with everyone having their eyes on an electronic device. There may be some pushback at first, but with consistency, eating together without distractions will become the norm. Don’t Ask Open-Ended Questions How rich would you be if you have a dollar for every time your teenager answered the question “How was your day?” with “Fine?” The trick to getting a bit more information is instead asking close-ended questions. A really great way to check-in with your child each day is to ask them what their ‘high’ (the best part) of their day was, and what their ‘low’ (the worst part) was. This way, they will hopefully give you information about specific events about which you can ask follow-up question. But don’t pry! If they don’t want to answer your follow-up questions and push them to answer anyway, this will only frustrate them and create more distance between the two of you. Do Work on Building Trust–That Goes Both Ways Just as it is important for you to trust your teenager, is it also important that they trust you. This is the foundation of a good connection. There are two key parts of building your teenager’s trust. The first is showing that you hear them when they are telling you anything about their life (even if it doesn’t seem important—it’s important to them!) The second thing is to make sure that you are careful in your responses. If they feel as though you are going to have a big scary reaction to something that they tell you, they are going to keep it to themselves instead. It’s okay to be a little freaked out about them telling you that other kids at school got in trouble for drinking. But instead of responding in an emotional and/or judgmental way, take a deep breath and ask a few follow-up questions and reiterate your rules and expectations regarding the matter– in a calm voice. Don’t Force It If your teenager feels as though they are forced to have long conversations with you when they don’t want to, they are going to become even more resistant. In addition, at this time in their life it is typical for teenagers to prioritize peer connections over quality time their family. Try not to take this personally; chances are they will come back around if you stay present while also giving them space when appropriate. Do Meet Them Where They Are You may be wondering where your bubbly outgoing child has gone, but it is completely normal for even the most extroverted teenager to become somewhat distant. If this is the case, try to meet them where they are. Have brief moments of quality time more often, rather than all-day excursions where they are just going to complain about missing out on all of the fun things that their friends are doing. Try the high/low check-in at mealtimes rather than asking them to sit and talk with you for an extended period of time. Don’t Loosen Up on Appropriate Rules and Consequences Having a good connection with your teenager does not mean that you need to let go of maintaining necessary and appropriate rules and expectations. It is developmentally appropriate for your teenager to push the boundaries. Knowing that, it is even more important to stay consistent with holding those boundaries. Try to continue to provide a balance of both warmth and structure. Do Let Them Have a Say Let your child pick the activity you do for quality time. This might mean that you are spending an hour watching them play a video game. You don’t have to be super excited about this, but if you lean in and show interest in what they are interested in, they are more likely to let you into their world going forward.

How to Get Your Teenager to Go to Therapy

How to Get Your Teenager to Go to Therapy By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Starting therapy can feel overwhelming or scary for most adults. Knowing that, now try to imagine what starting therapy must feel like for a teenager. Teens are arguably right in the middle of one of life’s most difficult developmental phases. Feeling as though they are independent and belong with their peer group are the first priorities; and listening to the advice of their primary caregivers is extremely low on that priority list. Here are some tips if you feel that your child would benefit from talking to a therapist, but they have expressed that they are resistant to the idea. Don’t force it. The only time it is appropriate to obligate your child to attend therapy is if they are experiencing severe symptoms of mental illness and/or suicidal ideations or engaging in self-harm. In that case, it is important to have a trained professional consistently assessing for risk and helping you take the necessary actions to keep your child safe. In other cases, the reason you don’t want to force your child to engage in therapy is because you will likely be spending a bunch of money only for them to answer their therapist’s questions with “I don’t know.” During this time of their life, it is important for them to know that their thoughts and feelings are heard and are being taken into account. We want them to have good feelings, rather than negative ones, when they think about therapy. We are “planting the seed” so that they will return to therapy, if necessary, during adulthood. Get them involved in the process. It’s well established that teenagers don’t like being told what to do. And it’s our job as parents to set appropriate boundaries when necessary. But a good compromise is giving them choices. Ask them if they want to look through therapist websites and pick a therapist that seems like a good match. Have them decide what day they would like to meet with their therapist, or how frequently they feel they would like to schedule sessions. Turn to social media. Yes, you heard that right. I know how scary social media can be when you have a teenager. There is a lot of dangerous stuff on there. But it can also be extremely helpful in situations like this. Find a Tik Tok or Instagram video about treatment for anxiety, etc. I guarantee that your kid is going to pay much more attention to this compared to a story about how therapy was helpful for your coworker’s niece. Make them a deal. If your teen is feeling hesitant to start therapy, it might be because they are unsure of what the process will look like. Say something like: “Just try two sessions with a therapist of your choice, and then decide whether you would like to continue with therapy.” They are going to be more willing to start the process if it doesn’t feel as though they will be committed to something long-term. Associate therapy sessions with something they already enjoy. Could this also be referred to as bribery? Sure. But remember when your child would get a sticker after a visit to the doctor? Same thing. It is going to encourage your teenager to see therapy in a positive light if it is associated with something else that they enjoy. This doesn’t have to be anything huge. Here are some ideas of things to reward your child with after their therapy sessions: Take them for ice cream and eat it in the car or on a walk while you talk about neutral topics. Drop them off at a friend’s house for a bit. Let them pick what the family will have for dinner that night. Come up with an agreement about confidentiality. Trust me, your teenager is going to be more open and honest (read: get more out of therapy) if they know that the therapist is not reporting back to you with everything they share in therapy. If you are comfortable with it, create a verbal or written agreement with your child and their therapist about the things the therapist will need to fill you in on. Typically, this is when the therapist is concerned about your child’s safety, or there is something that your child wants you to know but doesn’t feel comfortable telling you themselves. Don’t push them to share what they spoke about in therapy. Along the same lines, no matter how difficult it is, try to resist the urge to say “so, what did you talk about in there?” as soon as they leave therapy. This may create an awkward dynamic where they don’t want to lie to you, but also don’t want to tell you what they spoke about. Keep the door open for them to share by saying something like this instead: “I hope you had a good session with your therapist. Let me know if there is anything you want to talk about, but it’s totally fine if you don’t want to share!”

How to Communicate with your Teenager

How to Communicate More Effectively with Your Teenager Inside the Teenage Mind Does it feel like just yesterday that your child was excited to see you, running into your arms after a long day? And now maybe you are finding their smiles few and far between. Or they roll their eyes at everything you say. Don’t feel bad if you are not exactly loving the raising-an-adolescent phase of parenting. I’m sure you have heard other parents commiserating about how difficult it is to raise teenagers (even though most of us think “but my kid won’t be like that.”) But why are teenagers so tough? Well, there are few important reasons for this sudden and severe shift in many teenagers’ personalities. Psychologist Erik Erikson explained that human development takes place over the entire life span and includes eight different stages of development. Between the ages of 12 and 18, your child is likely in stage five of their developmental cycle, known as “identity versus confusion.” During this stage, the priority is finding one’s own identity, outside of their role as child to their parents. In addition, connecting and fitting in with their peers is their number one goal. They are seeking independence, which often creates conflict at home. In addition to the psycho-social changes happening for your child during this time, there is also important brain development occurring. During adolescence, the brain has begun making neural connections just as quickly as it did when your child was born (remember how rapidly they developed new abilities during that time?) This, coupled with the hormonal shifts happening, is a major contributing factor to why your teenager’s mood and affect appear to shift with the wind. Why Being Mindful of Communication with Your Teenager is Important On the outside, it may appear that your teenager has no interest in you, or worse, is bothered by everything you say and do. But just like during the toddler years, they are still watching your every move. If you model good communication strategies (against all odds!), they will hopefully carry these skills into future relationships with supervisors at work or significant others. In addition, a large part of the attachment type we have in relationships during adulthood are formed by the attachment we had with our parents. Your child needs to know that even when they act unlovable at times (as we all do at different points of our life), they are still worthy of love. By sticking it out with them through these difficult teenage years, you are setting them up for healthy relationships in the future. The Do’s and Don’ts of Communicating with Your Teenager Don’t try to resolve things when your teenager is already escalated. If your child is showing signs of being angry or just generally dysregulated, now is not the time to have a conversation, unless it is about a neutral topic. When we are emotional, we are in what is often referred to as our “lizard brain.” In our lizard brain, we are thinking and acting from a place of emotion, not reason. Wait until your child is calm to have more difficult conversations. No, they are not ‘winning’ if you wait until things are calm. You are actually maintaining your control over the situation by determining the best time to discuss things. Do have a plan for if your teenager escalates during the conversation. Along the same lines, if during a conversation or argument with your teenager you start to notice (verbal or nonverbal) signs of escalation, it is time to take space and come back to the conversation later. Say something like “I’m feeling myself getting upset, let’s take a few hours to calm down and come back to this conversation at that time.” Don’t raise your voice. Do the best you can to not engage in negative behaviors such as yelling, swearing or name-calling. Remember that you are trying to model good communication skills for your child. In addition, you will receive more respect from your child if they see you showing them the same. If you do or say something that you regret during an argument, that’s okay—you are a human! And that provides you with the perfect opportunity to model how to apologize when necessary in order to repair a relationship. Don’t take the bait. Like I said earlier, your kid is watching you like a hawk. Unfortunately, this means that they probably know your “hot buttons” like the back of their hand. During an argument, they are going to know exactly what to say to get you angry or make you sad. If they push one of these buttons, and you feel yourself going into lizard brain, take space. Come back when you are calm and say something like: “It really hurt me when you said that I don’t care about you.” Do show that you are listening. We constantly stress to our children the importance of listening. But are you showing your teenager that you are hearing them? This includes nonverbal cues (making eye contact, not having your phone in your hand, nodding, and facing your entire body toward them) and verbal cues (repeating back what you hear them saying, asking follow-up questions). Do validate your teenager’s feelings (even if you don’t agree!) Here’s a simple way to validate your kid’s feelings without agreeing: “So I’m hearing you say that you are upset that I’m not allowing you to stay out late tonight. I understand why you would feel that way when all of your friends are allowed to stay out late.” You are not giving in or even agreeing, but you are letting them know that you fully hear them. This is possible while still holding firm to a consequence or boundary that you have set. If appropriate, give your teenager choices. Going back to thinking about the developmental stage of your teenager, it boils down to them really just wanting to feel independent. If you can give them a few

Postpartum Depression: How to Spot It

Postpartum Depression As if going through a long pregnancy and overwhelming labor and delivery were not enough, once the baby is here there are multiple factors that can contribute to lasting mental health issues. Postpartum depression (PPD) is the experience of mild to severe symptoms of depression, which is considered a medical complication after the birth of your baby. If you believe that you might be suffering from PPD, continue reading to learn about the signs and symptoms, the contributing factors, and how to work on moving through this difficult time. Signs and symptoms of PPD While it is difficult to fit one’s symptoms of depression into a ‘box,’ these are the most common signs of Postpartum Depression. If you notice that you are experiencing some of these symptoms, is it possible that what you are experiencing is in fact PPD. Experiencing frequent mood swings, feeling extremely sad or angry at times Crying often Not feeling attached or bonded to your baby Isolating yourself from others Changes in appetite (eating more or less than you typically eat) Sleep changes (not getting enough or getting too much sleep) Feeling fatigued or like you have no energy Struggling to focus and/or feeling “brain fogged” Negative thoughts such as “I’m not a good mother.” Feeling hopeless about things getting better in the future Feeling worthless Having thoughts of hurting yourself or others How PPD is Different From the “Baby Blues” It is very typical for women to experiencing mood shifts from what feels normal to them in the weeks following the birth of their baby. The main difference between the “baby blues” and PPD is that the symptoms associated to baby blues typically reduce significantly in frequency and intensity about two weeks postpartum. If symptoms of depression increase in frequency and intensity or continue past that two week mark, this might be a sign of postpartum depression. Contributing Factors Family history of mental health issues. If any of your family members have struggled with mental health issues, you are more likely to experience symptoms of depression or anxiety following the birth of your baby. Traumatic experience during labor and delivery. When labor and delivery don’t look the way we planned, or worse—something traumatic happens, this might impact your mood and functioning even after you leave the hospital. Traumatic labor and delivery experiences are more common than you might realize. This is because we often feel pressure to focus on how happy we are about the birth of our child, rather than the not-so-great aspects of the experience. Our body’s most basic needs are not prioritized . It is no secret that our body needs sleep, water, food, and movement to function. After the birth of a child, the quality and quantity of parents’ sleep are taking a hit for obvious reasons, but there is also less attention paid to food and water intake. Isolation. There are studies that show that new mothers who feel isolated in caring for their new baby are more likely to struggle with symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety. Adjustment to a new way of life. With a new baby in your life, things look different. You might be struggling to feel connected to your partner or other children. Maybe you miss what your life looked like before baby. There is a grieving process that goes on for some new parents and this can contribute to the likelihood of symptoms of PPD popping up. What to do If You Are Struggling with Symptoms of PPD Open up—don’t struggle in silence. Struggling with symptoms of depression does not mean you are weak or failing as a parent. When we struggle in silence, our symptoms tend to only get worse. Open up to trusted friends and family about what you are going through. Don’t compare your experience to what you see on social media. Just remember that what we put on the internet for others to see is often curated. This means that when you see other moms with perfect-looking homes and a house full of smiling faces, this is only one moment of their day. Comparing your experience to that is setting yourself up for failure. Seek support from other moms. Being a mom with a new baby can feel so isolating. You partner and/or other support people want to be there for you, but it is difficult for them to understanding exactly what you are going through. Reach out to friends that are moms or find new supports through resources such as the Peanut app. Implement structure into your day. Any parent knows that in those early days with a newborn, your schedule is largely dictated by your baby’s feeding schedule. This can make us feel as though we have accomplished nothing else by the end of the day. To help with this, set one small to medium sized goal that you can accomplish that day. This can look like texting a friend or putting the laundry away. Find ways to prioritize your self-care. Yes, right after giving birth your baby needs to be your primary focus. But to care for your baby to the best of your ability, you also need to care for yourself. All too often parents put their own needs on the backburner for too long. Ask a support person to watch the baby for an hour so that you can take a nap or a long stress-free shower. Do the things that make you feel good about yourself: style your hair, exercise or put a face mask on. Talk to your doctor about medications. Medications are most helpful in conjunction with talk therapy, as they will alleviate any chemical imbalance so that you feel able to engage in self-care and coping skills. Talk to a therapist. Getting engaged with a counselor is helpful as you will have a place to ‘vent,’ as needed, as well as develop skills for coping with your symptoms of depression so that you can live the life you

Tips for Finding a Therapist—and What to Do When You Start Therapy

Tips for Finding a Therapist—and What to Do When You Start Therapy By: Jessica Taylor, LPC When speaking to someone that is just seeking out counseling for the first time, I often hear something along the lines of: “I don’t even know where to start or what questions to ask.” Starting therapy can feel like a daunting task. When I was in graduate school (to become a therapist!), I had the name and number of a therapist in my calendar for two whole months before I felt ready to take the leap and make the call to schedule an intake. In addition, it seems like it is more difficult than ever to find a therapist that is accepting new clients. The COVID-19 pandemic has done a number on almost all of us, so the demand for therapy is extremely high right now. With the hope of helping you navigate all of this, here are some tips to consider when looking for a therapist. Where to Look for a Therapist Internet Search: “therapists near me” – This is a quick and easy way to look for therapists in your area. In addition, a general search will often pull up reviews from past clients about that practice or specific therapist. Just remember that as with any business reviews, it is difficult to get a ‘perfect’ score. If a practice has mostly good reviews, they are probably a safe bet. Psychology Today – If you are hoping to use insurance for your therapy sessions, Psychology Today is a great resource. You can search for therapists near you and filter your search results based on what type of insurance you are looking to use, what specializations you would like your therapist to have, etc. Ask Around – Jumping into counseling with a new therapist can feel like a blind date. You have no idea what the other person’s personality will be like and you are worried that you might be wasting your time. This is why it can be extremely helpful to have a therapist or therapy practice recommended to you by someone you already trust, such as a friend or family member. And remember, unless you give your therapist written consent to share information, everything you share with them is confidential (meaning that the person who referred you will have no idea what you are talking to your therapist about.) What to Ask Before Scheduling Your First Session Finding a therapist that you can trust is important, but in order to get to that step, there are some logistical aspects that you will need to tackle. Here are some questions that you should ask before scheduling your initial session. Are you accepting new clients? As I stated before, therapists are extremely busy right now due to the collective situational stressors we are all facing. If you are interested in working with a counseling center, or specific therapist, and they are not accepting new clients, ask if they have a waitlist to which your name can be added. If not, I recommend broadening your search and just calling back in a few days or weeks if you still have not found anyone else you would like to work with. Do you accept insurance? It can be tough to find a therapist that is in-network with insurance, so don’t just assume that a counseling center accepts yours. In addition, be sure to call your insurance company and ask if your plan includes any reimbursement for out-of-network mental health costs. If they do, all you will need to do is get the appropriate paperwork from the counseling center to submit to your insurance company for approval. How long is the intake session and what does it cost? The intake session is usually 50 minutes or longer. During this session, you and your therapist will discuss what is bringing you to therapy, any relevant background information, and your goals for therapy going forward. You can also ask your therapist questions about what therapy will look like, how your therapist practices, etc. How long are normal sessions (after the intake) and how much do they cost? A typical therapy session is 50 minutes (your therapist uses that last ten minutes to document what you worked on during that session and plan for the next). But the time of sessions can vary, especially if you are engaging in family or couple’s counseling. More Tips Be patient. If you run into waitlists during your search for a therapist, don’t give up! Finding the right therapist for you can take time. If you are feeling suicidal, or your symptoms of anxiety and depression are so high that you are in “crisis mode,” and need to talk to someone immediately, utilize the crisis services near you (Here is Denver’s: https://coloradocrisisservices.org/ .) Be flexible. In addition to creating a high demand for therapists, the COVID-19 pandemic has also complicated the therapy process. In order to reduce risk of exposure to the virus, many counselors are choosing to limit their office hours and offer video (teletherapy) sessions. If you are struggling to get scheduled for an in-person session, consider giving teletherapy a chance. I promise– it’s a lot less awkward than it sounds! Know your main reasons for seeking out therapy and the primary goals that you want to work on. If you are going to therapy to help treat your symptoms of anxiety or depression, spend a few minutes before your intake appointment to think about how your symptoms look and feel for you. In addition, you and your therapist will discuss your goals for therapy (i.e. “I want to reduce my symptoms of anxiety so that I can function better at work.”). Having an idea of what you want out of therapy is going to help the process more quickly move along.

Pandemic Fatigue: What Is It and How Can We Deal with It?

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Pandemic Fatigue: What Is It and How Can We Deal with It? Almost exactly one year ago, we were told that if we just stayed home for a few weeks, we could “flatten the curve” of the COVID-19 virus. This Pandemic has taken away everyone’s ‘normal’ way of living and has resulted in a series of traumatic experiences for many. If you are like me, you are just feeling over it. I know that I am not alone in this sentiment, because there is actually a new term for this phenomenon: Pandemic Fatigue. It appears that there are two ways of defining pandemic fatigue. The first is when an individual feels hopeless or angry about the current state of the world and begins to show less adherence to the CDC guidelines. This person might begin to wear a mask less often, hang out in large groups, etc. The pandemic fatigue that I want to talk about today is one that describes what our mental health and daily functioning looks like when we have been caring about the pandemic for so long, that we feel as though we cannot care about it anymore; thus, the reality that we having to continue caring about it has negative impacts on our mental health. Below are the signs and causes of this type of pandemic fatigue, as well as ways that you can cope if you feel this is something you might be experiencing. Signs of Pandemic Fatigue Feeling frustrated and/or angry about CDC guidelines. Consistent physical, cognitive, and emotional exhaustion. Not enjoying activities as you once did. Decrease in social engagement. Less motivation to complete daily tasks. Feeling more tired or ‘worn down.’ Increase in symptoms of anxiety or depression. Causes of Pandemic Fatigue Daily tasks are taking more mental effort to complete. Grocery shopping can already be exhausting, but these days we have to grocery shop while we also wear a mask, keep six feet of distance from other shoppers, and pay attention to the arrows on the floor. Prior to the pandemic, when engaging in an activity that you had completed on hundreds of occasions, you were able to kind of go on “auto-pilot.” Maybe your weekly Target run was actually a form of self-care—just wondering through the aisles casually. But this is no longer the case. There are so many safety precautions that we need to attend to while in public, that we must stay focused the entire time. This eats up a lot of energy and motivation. There is a constant need to multi-task. Prior to the pandemic, most of us went to work and focused only on our work during those eight hours. Then we came home and focused on our family and the tasks that we needed to complete there. These days, you can be on a work call and hear your child screaming and washing machine going behind you at the same time. This can lead us to feel that we are not doing or being our best anywhere. We are distracted employees and exhausted family members. We started this thinking that we would get a quick and substantial return on our efforts. Last year, we had the perception that if we just put in a ton of effort to do our part to socially distance, we would see life return to ‘normal’ relatively quickly. Now, even with the vaccine rollout, we know that it will still be several months before we see anything resembling ‘normal.’ This has caused many of us to wonder if all of the annoying precautions we are taking are even worth it. How to Cope if you are experiencing pandemic fatigue Recognize/accept the toll this is taking (individually and collectively) Most of us have been in “survival mode” for almost a year now. But because this is now our new normal, we might not be paying much attention to the toll that this is taking on us emotionally, physically, and otherwise. Take a moment to think about what you are grateful for, while also giving yourself grace in all the areas of life where you might not be “thriving” right now. Don’t engage in Avoidance Tactics It is no secret that many of us have been using food or alcohol to cope; but this might be contributing to an increase in anxiety and depression. Treating yourself is great, but try to engage in eating and drinking in a mindful way. Remember when at the beginning of the pandemic we were scheduling zoom hangouts with friends and family members? Are you still doing that? If not, it is probably because you are tired of being on video calls in general. Or maybe just feeling sad about the fact that you don’t know when you will be able to hug your loved ones again. But opting out of virtual social opportunities or isolating yourself from others altogether is only going to worsen your symptoms of pandemic fatigue. Get Outside I don’t need to tell you how great fresh air and movement are for your mental health. Even if it’s cold out—find time to stand outside and let the sun hit your face for at least five minutes per day. Create Fun Moments Fun doesn’t look like it once did. But that doesn’t mean we can find reasons to smile. Try a new hobby. Or have a game night with your family. Host a themed video call with your friends. Maintain Hope After the pandemic, things definitely won’t look exactly the way that they did prior to March of last year. But even so, visualize yourself hugging your family members again and celebrating the holidays as you once did. Or even take time to plan that big future trip you want to take. Talk to a Professional More than ever before, clients are wanting to spend time during our sessions processing their thoughts and feelings about the current state of the world. You don’t need to

How COVID-19 is Causing Higher Rates of Depression in Healthcare Workers

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC How COVID-19 is Causing Higher Rates of Depression in Healthcare Workers The negative impacts that the COVID-19 pandemic is having on the mental health of our healthcare workers are just now starting to fully come to light; and it is likely that this impact will be one that is lasting. We have already seen an increase in the presence of post-traumatic stress and burnout in our frontline healthcare workers. In addition, a study done in April of 2020 found that 29% percent of the healthcare workers interviewed were experiencing mild symptoms of depression. 17% of them were experiencing moderate to severe symptoms of depression. And 5% of those healthcare workers were experiencing suicidal ideations. These statistics are alarming, especially considering that most of our frontline healthcare workers are expected to continue “pushing through,” working to treat patients of the disease, despite any mental health issues they are experiencing. If you are a healthcare worker during this unprecedented time, it is important for you to know that risk factors that contribute to depression, the signs of depression, and what you can do about it if you are feeling depressed. Signs of Depression Depression does not look the same from person to person. Sometimes the symptoms of depression are blatant. Other times, it is only a few ‘sneaky’ signs that slowly start showing up. Changes in appetite Sudden weight gain or weight loss Changes in quality and/or quantity of sleep Exhaustion Intrusive negative thoughts Thoughts of suicide Isolation from others Loss of interest in activities that were once enjoyed Lack of concentration Lack of motivation Increase in irritability or anger Risk Factors for Healthcare Workers The research regarding the impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic on our healthcare workers is ongoing, but here are some of the risk factors that appear to be negatively contributing to mental health issues in frontline healthcare workers. Lack of social supports/isolation from family and friends Longer/more frequent shifts Fear of transmitting the disease to loved ones Traumatic experiences at work are happening more frequently What You Can Do if You Are Struggling with Depression Try to implement self-care and coping strategies Take a moment to check-in with your body right now by asking yourself these questions: How has your sleep hygiene been lately? Are you drinking enough water throughout the day? What do meals and snacks look like? Sometimes it probably feels like there are not enough hours in the day to engage in self-care. But engaging in the activities that help you feel ‘recharged’ are essential to being the employee, friend, and family member that you want to be. The easiest way to think about coping with symptoms of depression is making sure that you are doing the opposite (action) of what your depression ‘wants’ you to do. For example, if you are feeling so down that you want to stay in bed all day, get up and take a shower instead. If you are experiencing negative thoughts about needing to isolate yourself, call a friend or ask your partner to watch a movie with you. Seek help from a professional Meeting with a counselor will provide you a space to process all the thoughts, feelings and experiences you might be holding in for fear of burdening loved ones. In addition, your therapist will hold you accountable in making sure that you are taking care of your body’s basic needs and engaging in self-care on a regular basis. *If you are feeling suicidal, call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255).

Depression Therapy in Denver for Men and Women

How to Communicate Seamlessly with Your Partner

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC You Can Improve Communication with Your Partner Today–Here’s How Communication issues come up in all love relationships, and studies show that communication and relationships and/or marital satisfaction go hand-in-hand. Arguments happen and they don’t necessarily mean that you are not a good match. It might mean that you just haven’t learned how to argue yet. Hear me out. Having zero arguments is just not a realistic goal. So, it is important to learn how to disagree in a way that does not damage the relationship long-term and cause resentments. Recognize Your Differences One of the most common factors that contributes to communication issues in love relationships is each person in the relationship having different communication styles. There are some people that want to stick and around and resolve things, no matter how heated it gets. Then there are people that are really good at taking space when things get heated but struggle to come back to finish the conversation. If this is the case, the goal is to meet in the middle. This means taking space when things start to escalate, but then coming back (preferably within 24 hours) to complete the discussion. Learn to See Disagreements as “Win-Win” When we think about arguments, there is often the idea that one person will ‘win’ and the other will ‘lose.’ If we begin an agreement with this mindset, things are more likely to get ugly. The goal of “fair fighting” is for each person to leave the conversation feeling good about the result. There are three steps necessary in accomplishing this: Step 1: Validate the other person’s side of the issue (i.e. “I hear you saying that you need my help with dinner right after I get home from work.”) Step 2: Share your side of the issue (i.e. “My issue with helping with dinner is that I feel so exhausted from a long day at work.”) Step 3: Work to create a compromise (i.e. “How about I take 20 minutes to decompress alone when I get home, and then I will help you with dinner?”) Make a Plan Let’s be honest, once things start to escalate during an argument, it’s really hard to think clearly, let alone act in a skillful way that does not damage the relationship. Therefore, it is important to create a communication plan when things are calm. Examples of questions that you both need to come together to answer are: How do you know when it is time to take space? Where will you each go and what will you do during the time that you are taking space? How long should you take space for? Don’t Let Resentments Build One of the most common reasons for relationships ending is built-up resentments. If your partner does or says something that upsets you, let them know in a skillful way (more on this later). The ideal time frame for sharing your feelings is 24 hours; anything longer than that feels like “garbage dumping” and will likely result in the other person getting defensive. Avoid Damaging Behaviors During arguments it is important to avoid behaviors like swearing, yelling and name-calling. Remember that hurtful things said and done in anger are not forgotten when things have calmed down. This is where taking space comes in. If you feel yourself escalating, taking some space from the situation, and engaging in activities that help you calm down during that time, will help prevent you from saying or doing anything that you will later regret. Don’t Point Fingers If there is an issue that you need to bring up to your partner, it will help reduce defensiveness if you start sentences with “I.” For example, “I felt hurt when you said that you were too busy to spend time with me.” This will probably kick off a more productive conversation than something like “Why don’t you ever want to spend time with me?!” Show That You Are Listening Have you ever noticed how quickly arguments turn into a (metaphorical) ping-pong match? In other words, neither person feels heard by the other, which means that they aren’t making much of an effort to be a good listener. In order to slow the process down it helps to engage in what is called active listening. Examples of non-verbal cues for active listening are eye contact and making sure that your arms are uncrossed, and your body is facing the other person. Here’s how to verbalize active listening: “So this is what I hear you saying…” Be Patient! Improving communication in love relationships for the long-term takes time and patience. If you are both committed to trying new things and showing vulnerability, things will get better with time, consistency, and mutual respect.

Why Doctors and Nurses are Experiencing Symptoms of PTSD During COVID

By: Jessica Taylor, LPC Here’s Why More Doctors and Nurses are Experiencing Symptoms of PTSD During COVID COVID-19 Is Taking a Toll on All of Us Almost all of us have been impacted by the COVID-19 pandemic in significant ways. Countless people have lost their jobs and are currently worrying about how to pay their bills and feed their family. Others have struggled with the disease themselves and continue to experience residual symptoms. Far too many of us have watched friends and family succumb to the disease. Then there are the doctors, nurses, and other healthcare providers who have experienced these impacts in their personal lives while also having to confront the disease every day while they are at work. Studies have shown that in general, the rates of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in healthcare providers range between 10 and 20%. In addition, this number gets larger in healthcare providers working in ICU environments, with the rate going up to 30%. These numbers are based on the experience of healthcare providers, such as doctors and nurses, during times where there was no pandemic. We are still very much in the thick of treating COVID-19, so only time and more research will show us the psychological impacts that this devastating pandemic has had on our healthcare workers. How Trauma is Defined To experience symptoms of PTSD, one much first be exposed to a traumatic event. We often only think of trauma in terms of an experience where we feel our life, or someone else’s life is in danger (i.e. a car accident or being robbed). But the experience of trauma can also be classified as “an extreme state of uncertainty and confusion…(which) violates our expectations about our life and world (Mock, 2020).” It is an easy assumption to make that treating patients of COVID-19, and the associated death rate of those patients, is out of the realm of what most healthcare providers expected to experience during their professional tenure. Symptoms of PTSD The DSM-5 groups the symptoms of PTSD into five categories, which are listed below. If you believe that you may be struggling with symptoms of PTSD, read each section carefully and assess whether this is what you are experiencing. The Experience of a Traumatic Event If you are a healthcare worker treating COVID-19 patients, you are being exposed to trauma almost constantly. You are in a high-risk situation for multiple hours a day, are witnessing patients become extremely ill and/or pass away and are also watching your colleagues experience the same. This is trauma. Intrusion (re-experiencing) Do you experience intrusive memories and/or dreams of specific traumatic experiences? Do experience flashbacks where you feel as though you are back in the traumatic experience? Do you experience psychological distress and/or physiological reactions to reminders of traumatic experiences? Avoidance Do you do things to try to avoid having memories of traumatic experiences? Do you avoid external stimuli that remind you of traumatic experiences? Significant Impacts on Cognition and Mood Do you struggle to remember aspects of specific traumatic events? Are you holding onto negative beliefs about yourself, others and/or the world (ie: “The world is a dangerous place.”)? Are you blaming yourself or others? Do you experience persistent negative emotions such as fear, anger, or guilt? Are you finding that you are not interested in engaging in activities that you once enjoyed? Do you feel isolated or estranged from others? Do you feel as though you are unable to experience positive emotions? Significant Increase in Reactivity Are you experiencing more irritability and anger on a regular basis? Are you struggling to fall and/or stay asleep? Do you have trouble staying focused? Do you feel more hypervigilant and/or become startled more often? What is Acute Stress Disorder? Acute Stress Disorder is when you are experiencing the signs and symptoms of PTSD, but you experienced the traumatic event associated to their symptoms less than a month ago. If you are experiencing Acute Stress Disorder and your symptoms go untreated, they will likely then meet the criteria necessary for a diagnosis of PTSD. Risk Factors for Healthcare Providers Treating COVID-19 Patients Here are some factors that might put you at a greater risk for experiencing symptoms of PTSD during the COVID-19 pandemic: Frequency of Exposure to Traumatic Experiences If you are a healthcare working, offering direct care to COIVD-19 patients, you are most likely experiencing something traumatic every time you go to work (although, remember that it might not feel traumatic in-the-moment, because your body and brain are in “survival mode.”) No Time to Process Experiences One of the most important coping skills when experiencing trauma is speaking about those experiences out loud to someone else (preferably a trained professional). If you are a doctor or nurse that is consistently experiencing a new trauma each day at work, chances are that you have not yet had the chance to adequately process through these experiences. Sleep Issues Due to Shift Work. Sleep issues are extremely common with individuals doing shift work. But these sleep issues are bound to worsen if you are plagued with reoccurring memories of past traumas and intrusive thoughts about current sick patients. Relational Coping Skills Are Not Available Maybe you used to blow off steam from the stress of work by going to a fitness class or meeting friends for dinner. For most of us, these experiences are now high-risk and unavailable to us. It would make sense if, because of this, you are struggling to find new ways of coping with the constant stress at work. What You Should Do If You Are Struggling with Symptoms of PTSD Just as you provide medical attention to those in need, there are professionals waiting to help you overcome the psychological impacts of this pandemic. Studies have shown that just talk therapy alone, with a licensed mental health provider, is extremely helpful in lessoning the frequency, intensity, and duration of symptoms of PTSD and Acute Stress Disorder. Taking the time to care

Burnout Among Doctors and Nurses Due to COVID-19 is Climbing—Here’s Why

What Is Burnout and How is it Affecting Healthcare Workers? The ICD-11 defines burnout as: “a syndrome (that results from) chronic workplace stress…that has not been successfully managed.” The three most common impacts of burnout are: lack of motivation and exhaustion, negative thoughts and feelings about one’s job, and being less effective in job role. Due to the overwhelming impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, research proves that burnout is running rampant among doctors, nurses and other healthcare workers. Mental Health America (MHA) completed a survey with healthcare workers to assess their mental health while working through the COVID-19 pandemic. The results of this survey are worrisome. Out of the 1,119 individuals surveyed, 93% said that they were suffering with general feelings of stress. 76% said that they were experiencing exhaustion and burnout. These statistics show the truth: we need to acknowledge the long reaching impact of this pandemic on our healthcare workers and work on finding ways to combat these issues so that they are able to continue caring for their patients to the best of their ability. Maybe you are healthcare worker wondering if what you are experiencing is burnout. If so, continue reading to learn the signs of and factors that are contributing to burnout, and how to cope. Signs of Burnout in Healthcare Workers If you are a healthcare worker and wondering if what you are experiencing is burnout, ask yourself these questions. Constantly feeling tired, even when getting enough sleep Are you feeling exhausted most of the day? Does your body feel heavy? Do you notice that you are consuming more caffeine or sugar to keep yourself going? Feeling overworked and/or underappreciated Are you having to work longer hours and/or more shifts? Are you starting to feel resentful because it seems like no one is noticing how hard you are working? Dreading going to work Do you feel a sense of dread or experience symptoms of anxiety the day before or the day of going to work? Compassion fatigue Have you noticed that you are struggling to feel empathy or compassion toward your patients (and others)? Factors That Are Contributing to Burnout in Doctors and Nurses The general state of the world is concerning. Living during a pandemic is stressful for most of us, but our healthcare workers are undoubtedly shouldering most of the burden as they care for our sick and dying loved ones. Fear of contracting COVID-19 and/or exposing family and friends. There are too many stories about doctors and nurses feeling as though they need to isolate themselves away from their immediate family members for fear of exposing them to the virus. Isolation from loved ones only compounds any symptoms of anxiety and depression that are arising from the experiences of treating COVID-19 patients. Hospitals are short-staffed, which means longer hours. Longer hours and more shifts mean less sleep. Less time with family. Less time to engage in self-care activities. What to do if you are experiencing burnout Set boundaries when possible. Ask yourself whether there is room to ask for time off from work. Ask your family to let you have some solo “unwind time” when you get home from your shift. Attend to your basic needs. Are getting enough (quality) sleep? It helps to have a set bedtime that allows for an adequate number of hours of sleep. At least 30 minutes before bed, put all screens away and engage in relaxing activity. Take a hot shower, read a (non-stressful) book, or listen to a guided meditation. How are your eating habits? A busy schedule might not always allow for cooking fancy meals, but just try to consume whole foods when possible. Also consider your water intake, how much you are moving each day, and whether you are using any unhealthy coping skills. Practice self-care. You are spending so much of your time caring for others, but it is important that no matter how busy your schedule becomes, you are still finding time to engage in activities that you enjoy in hopes of ‘recharging’ between work shifts. Self-care looks like calling a friend, doing a craft, or taking a yoga class. Find ways to feel hopeful about the future. There will be a time in the future when you will feel better. Allow yourself to get excited about that time and plan what you will do. What friend will you go get lunch with first? Do you want to take a trip? Ask for emotional support. Allow others to care for you. Engaging in talk therapy is an effective way to release some of those anxious thoughts you have had pent up. You don’t need to cope with your experience of burnout by yourself. A therapist will provide a non judgmental space for you to vent, and then figure out how to move forward. By: Jessica Taylor, LPC