How to Not Let Pandemic Weight Gain Negatively Impact Your Mental Health By: Jessica Taylor, LPC According to a survey done last year, approximately 71 million Americans report that they have gained weight during the COVID-19 pandemic.  This widespread weight gain is happening for many different reasons, including more sedentary lifestyles and using food and alcohol as a coping skill.  Remember that weight gain itself is not bad.  It is just neutral.  It is up to you (and your physician) to determine what your healthy weight is.  What I want to focus on is how to not let pandemic weight gain negatively impact your self-esteem and/or your mental health.  If you have struggled with disordered eating habits in the past, weight gain due to the pandemic might be especially triggering.  Or maybe you are noticing that just since the pandemic you have started buying into some harmful thoughts about your weight, and this is increasing symptoms of anxiety or depression.  If getting weight gain under control is a goal of yours, it might be helpful to talk to your primary care physician and/or get a referral to a Registered Dietician.  But no matter what your goals are around your weight, there are strategies to help you maintain a positive self-image and maintain a healthy baseline mood despite any changes your body is going through.  These strategies might also helpful if you are experiencing weight changes for any reason other than the pandemic.   Practice cognitive defusion from harmful stories.   Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) asserts that all of us get sent automatic ‘stories’ (thoughts) from our brain.  These stories are directly tied to our emotions.  For example, if my brain sends me the thought: “I’ve gained so much weight in the last year and I cannot let my friends see me like this,” I have two choices: to believe this thought or defuse from it (not believe it).  If I buy into that thought, I’m probably going to feel pretty sad, angry and lonely.  These automatic thoughts are a result of our worldview, which is formed based on our life experiences, mental health issues, relationships, etc.  Getting rid of these thoughts permanently might not be possible, but what you can do is defuse from them, or simply put—just don’t buy in.  Just because you are thinking something doesn’t make it true.  Remember that your thoughts about yourself are often biased by your worldview.  So, ask yourself if the stories you are currently buying into are helpful or harmful in getting to your goals (losing weight, improving self-esteem, etc.)  If the answer is that they are harmful, and will prevent you from achieving your goals, then practice ‘defusion’ strategies as a means to begin giving less power to these particular thoughts.   Repeat a mantra Another way to counteract negative thoughts is to come up with a more helpful (less harmful) mantra to repeat to yourself as needed.  This does not need to be a super positive “sunshine and rainbows” mantra (unless you’re into that); it can just be something more neutral.  For example, here is a helpful mantra that you can say to yourself if you are worried about pandemic weight gain: “I am worthy of self-love, and love from others, no matter the size of my body.”   Or maybe something even more neutral such as: “It’s okay that I have gained weight; this was a stressful year.”  Write this down and post it somewhere that you are going to look on a regular basis.   Assess whether social media is helping or harming your inner dialogue  If certain content on social media is making you more susceptible to buy into those harmful thoughts your brain sends you, consider unfollowing certain accounts or just taking a hiatus from social media altogether.  While we all know by now that the content others post on social media is carefully curated, and that we are usually only seeing the ‘highlights’, this doesn’t make it any less difficult to avoid comparing ourselves to others when we are constantly seeing their lives through a perfection lens and ours through a very critical lens.       Engage in movement for enjoyment If you find that you are struggling to engage in regular movement, consider what you are currently using to try to motivate yourself to exercise.  If you are saying that you must exercise to lose weight, and you are struggling to get yourself to engage in exercise, then maybe you need to find a different way of motivating yourself.  Thinking about exercising to burn calories can make us feel overwhelmed or see things in a black-and-white way (i.e.: “It’s pointless to work out today because I’m never going to burn off that cake I ate earlier.”)  Instead, just set a goal of moving your body for 30 minutes per day.  Exercise has other important benefits aside from losing weight, such as producing chemicals in your brain that will help you feel happier and less anxious.   Practice mindful eating and drinking Practicing mindfulness when you are eating and drinking is a huge factor when attempting to get unhealthy habits under control.  Here are some quick things you can try today:  Check-in with yourself regarding the why for eating/drinking in that moment: Are you actually feeling hungry or are you using food or alcohol to cope with feeling stressed, bored, etc.?   Eat slowly, with no distractions.  Use your five senses while you eat and drink.   Again, food and alcohol are not innately bad.  They are neutral.  Is it just important to make sure that we are not using binge eating or drinking as a means of coping or distraction from life’s stressors.  There are much healthier ways to cope that will not result in feelings of shame or guilt.   Treat yourself like you treat your best friend If you are noticing yourself buying into mean thoughts about your weight, ask yourself one simple question: Would I talk to my best friend like this? Probably not, right?  When we hear our

Tips for Finding a Therapist—and What to Do When You Start Therapy By: Jessica Taylor, LPC When speaking to someone that is just seeking out counseling for the first time, I often hear something along the lines of: “I don’t even know where to start or what questions to ask.”   Starting therapy can feel like a daunting task.  When I was in graduate school (to become a therapist!), I had the name and number of a therapist in my calendar for two whole months before I felt ready to take the leap and make the call to schedule an intake.   In addition, it seems like it is more difficult than ever to find a therapist that is accepting new clients.  The COVID-19 pandemic has done a number on almost all of us, so the demand for therapy is extremely high right now.  With the hope of helping you navigate all of this, here are some tips to consider when looking for a therapist.   Where to Look for a Therapist Internet Search: “therapists near me”  –  This is a quick and easy way to look for therapists in your area.  In addition, a general search will often pull up reviews from past clients about that practice or specific therapist.  Just remember that as with any business reviews, it is difficult to get a ‘perfect’ score.  If a practice has mostly good reviews, they are probably a safe bet.   Psychology Today  –  If you are hoping to use insurance for your therapy sessions, Psychology Today is a great resource.  You can search for therapists near you and filter your search results based on what type of insurance you are looking to use, what specializations you would like your therapist to have, etc.  Ask Around – Jumping into counseling with a new therapist can feel like a blind date.  You have no idea what the other person’s personality will be like and you are worried that you might be wasting your time.  This is why it can be extremely helpful to have a therapist or therapy practice recommended to you by someone you already trust, such as a friend or family member.  And remember, unless you give your therapist written consent to share information, everything you share with them is confidential (meaning that the person who referred you will have no idea what you are talking to your therapist about.)   What to Ask Before Scheduling Your First Session Finding a therapist that you can trust is important, but in order to get to that step, there are some logistical aspects that you will need to tackle.  Here are some questions that you should ask before scheduling your initial session.   Are you accepting new clients?  As I stated before, therapists are extremely busy right now due to the collective situational stressors we are all facing.  If you are interested in working with a counseling center, or specific therapist, and they are not accepting new clients, ask if they have a waitlist to which your name can be added.  If not, I recommend broadening your search and just calling back in a few days or weeks if you still have not found anyone else you would like to work with.   Do you accept insurance?  It can be tough to find a therapist that is in-network with insurance, so don’t just assume that a counseling center accepts yours.  In addition, be sure to call your insurance company and ask if your plan includes any reimbursement for out-of-network mental health costs.  If they do, all you will need to do is get the appropriate paperwork from the counseling center to submit to your insurance company for approval.   How long is the intake session and what does it cost?  The intake session is usually 50 minutes or longer.  During this session, you and your therapist will discuss what is bringing you to therapy, any relevant background information, and your goals for therapy going forward.  You can also ask your therapist questions about what therapy will look like, how your therapist practices, etc.   How long are normal sessions (after the intake) and how much do they cost?  A typical therapy session is 50 minutes (your therapist uses that last ten minutes to document what you worked on during that session and plan for the next). But the time of sessions can vary, especially if you are engaging in family or couple’s counseling.   More Tips Be patient. If you run into waitlists during your search for a therapist, don’t give up!  Finding the right therapist for you can take time.  If you are feeling suicidal, or your symptoms of anxiety and depression are so high that you are in “crisis mode,” and need to talk to someone immediately, utilize the crisis services near you (Here is Denver’s: https://coloradocrisisservices.org/ .)   Be flexible.  In addition to creating a high demand for therapists, the COVID-19 pandemic has also complicated the therapy process.  In order to reduce risk of exposure to the virus, many counselors are choosing to limit their office hours and offer video (teletherapy) sessions.  If you are struggling to get scheduled for an in-person session, consider giving teletherapy a chance.  I promise– it’s a lot less awkward than it sounds!   Know your main reasons for seeking out therapy and the primary goals that you want to work on.  If you are going to therapy to help treat your symptoms of anxiety or depression, spend a few minutes before your intake appointment to think about how your symptoms look and feel for you.  In addition, you and your therapist will discuss your goals for therapy (i.e. “I want to reduce my symptoms of anxiety so that I can function better at work.”).  Having an idea of what you want out of therapy is going to help the process more quickly move along.      

During the Coronavirus crisis, social distancing is priority number one. But social distancing doesn’t mean that our need for connection and relationships ends. In fact, during times of stress or uncertainty, we need people more than ever. In fact, I really hate the term “social distancing.” To fight the virus we need physical distancing, but we can still be social. I know it looks a little different now, but connection can still happen even while we all work hard to “flatten the curve” and fight Covid-19. I get it, it’s really hard right now to pay attention to your mental health and hold on to social connections. At I write this, I am working from home via telehealth while taking care of my two kids (ages 4 and 1). My husband is also working from home. We have one home office between us, so there’s a constant juggle. I love my husband, but I miss my friends and coworkers. I miss chatting with my neighbors at our local coffee shops and restaurants. I miss my yoga teacher and the other parents at my daughter’s preschool. Life just doesn’t feel normal right now, and that’s because it’s not. I’ll share how I’m fostering connection and social support for myself right now, and what I’m helping our clients do as well: Remember phone calls? Time to bring them back Remember when we called people on the phone? Like actually called them? We heard their voice and hey heard ours too. Let’s bring that back. I know it can feel really strange. If you feel nervous about it, ask your friends to have a phone date. Yes, you really can make a phone date. Here’s an actual text conversation I had two days ago with my best friend: Me: This is all so hard. I miss seeing you. Can we have a phone date tonight? Her: Yes! What a great idea. When I get the kids down at 8pm I’ll call you. Me: Perfect! Virtual Happy Hours-it’s a Coronavirus thing Virtual happy hours are really great. I was skeptical at first, but give it a try! I decided to take the plunge and set up a virtual happy hour with 6 friends last night. I texted all of them and said that it was happening at 8, and I would send out the link. BYOB of course. At 8pm everyone showed up via Google Hangouts. We laughed and commiserated with each other. We played the guessing game “who has the most toilet paper in their house right now?” It was a great release for all of us. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need Everyone is feeling isolated right now. I can tell you that our clients are sharing feelings of stress, loneliness and isolation. This is a good time to practice putting those feeling into words, and those words into requests so that friends and family can  show up for you and support you. Everyone has different needs in relationships, so take a moment to think about what others usually do that make you feel supported, seen, and valued. Maybe it’s talking on the phone, or maybe it’s a simple text to say “I’m thinking of you.” Perhaps it’s a virtual book club. Whatever you need, try to ask loved ones and see how they respond. Here’s some ideas you can use: I’m going so stir-crazy at home! Want to play an online board game tonight with me? I’m feeling scared because I have my own health issues, can we talk about it? This is such a stressful time! I’m going to send you a text if I need to vent, is that okay? Remember you are not alone. There is a unique opportunity we all have right now in the midst of this crisis to honor the fact that we are all in this together. We usually imagine we are the only one that feels left out, lonely, or isolated. Right now, everyone feels this way. Professionals can help too Most therapists, like our team, are now providing online therapy. It’s easy to set up and see your therapist from the comfort of your home. If you find yourself feeling anxious, depressed, hopeless, or overwhelmed, therapy can help. We are seeing clients for both long-term and short-term therapy. It can help to have someone on your team who is trained to tackle these issues.

There’s so many therapists to wade through, here’s how to find the right one in your neighborhood.

We’ve all been there. Stuck in gridlock traffic on I-25, trying to travel through downtown Denver, or just get to the airport on time (I’m looking at you, 225 and Pena Boulevard!). Traffic in Denver is pretty bad, as everyone has noticed (and vented about). Not just the highways, but the side-streets and quiet neighborhoods of a few years ago are clogged, and we’re all bearing the mental load of being stuck in traffic or crawling along at a snail’s pace. Road Rage in Denver Road Rage refers to the intense feeling of anger, irritation, hostility or all-out rage that we sometimes feel while driving. Being cut off in traffic, sitting in a standstill, or being late to something important can trigger a lot of big feelings. There have been a few high-profile incidents of intense Road Rage in Denver recently.  Road Rage can be really harmful to ourselves and others. Being stuck in traffic presents an emotion management problem. In other words, to survive in Denver traffic these days, you need some skills and tools to keep from becoming overly angry, frustrated or stressed. The First Step is Acceptance When we think about emotion regulation, the first step is always one of acceptance. It’s really important to accept your situation for what it is, and validate for yourself that it’s frustrating and difficult. Acceptance in this sense doesn’t mean you ‘approve’ or what’s happening or that you have to feel good about it, you simply need to accept it as your reality. How do we do this? The best way is to talk to yourself (or think to yourself) about the situation without any judgement or wishful thinking that it was different (just the facts). Here’s some examples: I am stuck in traffic and I didn’t expect to be. I feel really frustrated and also worried that I will be late for work. My commute is always very slow, as it is today. I feel uncomfortable in my car and I have another 30 minutes of driving ahead of me. I feel angry that this is my everyday experience. The Next Step is Making a Plan After we have accepted and described our situation, we are ready to make a plan to cope with the difficult feelings we are experiencing. It’s important to frame this as trying to improve the moment, not rail against our emotions as they are, or try to change them because they are unacceptable. The goal is to make a plan to roll with your feelings, improve the moment somewhat, and wait out a challenging situation.  Here’s some examples of things to do while stuck in traffic to alleviate frustration: Take 10 deep breaths, then take ten more Do some light stretches (if you can while driving safely) Call a friend or family member you’ve been meaning to connect with Listen to a podcast or audiobook Sing along to some music If you’re going to be stuck in the car anyway, might as well practice coping skills like the ones above. The Final Step is to Evaluate What Worked, and Try to Avoid Stressors in the Future Once you’re done with your marathon commute, take a moment to review for yourself what worked the best for riding out the frustration of the traffic jam. Were you able to lose yourself in your favorite music? Did you discover a podcast that held your attention? Did those should rolls feel great? How about breathing? Once you know what works best for you, you can plan for future traffic snarls (because let’s be real, I-25 isn’t going to be a breeze anytime soon). Have your coping skills handy. It can help to tape a notecard to your dashboard to remind yourself of these tools. Furthermore, research shows that when we anticipate feelings of anger or frustration, we experience these emotions differently than if they catch us by surprise. If can accurately anticipate our feelings, when they come roaring up at us we experience ourselves as more in control. We can greet them and say “Oh yeah, I knew you would come along, but I’ve got a plan in place.” So when you head out on your drive and you predict that there will be frustrating traffic, make sure you’re loaded up with podcasts (if that’s your thing), or you’ve got your stress ball squishy at the ready (if you like that), and just plan to be irritated. It’s how it is, and it’s not your job to change it, it’s your job to roll with it, accept your feelings and respond well. For your own mental health. For the other drivers. For all of us stuck in Denver traffic with you.

Is it normal to talk to yourself? That’s the million-dollar question that I often her from my therapy clients. My answer is “yes!” Here’s why it’s normal (and even very healthy) to talk to yourself. There’s a big difference between talking to yourself and responding to internal voices or hearing voices, which is concerning and I’ll lay out below the difference. We are always talking to ourselves, whether out loud or internally We are blessed with the gift of language, which is a powerful tool our brain uses to process stimuli from our environment, and make sense of ourselves and our world. We have a running dialogue in our heads all time, and we just call this ‘thoughts.’ A though is simply a bunch of words that run in the background pretty much all the time while we’re awake. We are always telling ourselves a story about what’s happening, what is means, and what we want to do in the future. All these internal thoughts form our internal dialogue, and it’s an incredibly important piece of mental health. If we can self-reflect (or have a therapist reflect back to you)on our internal dialogue, we can learn a lot about how we think about ourselves and how we perceive the world. For example, do you talk to yourself in a nice way or a harsh way? Does the internal dialogue sound calm or scared? Angry? Defensive? Shameful? Do you perceive the world as a safe place or a scary place? Does it seem like you talk to yourself like a friend would or (usually more likely) like an irritated, judgmental teacher?  Examining all these thoughts are an important part of therapy, and changing that dialogue over time can lift depression, calm anxiety, fix relationships and lead to a life that’s just more peaceful and fulfilled.  What about when I talk to myself out loud? This kind of self-talk is similar to the ongoing internal dialogue but it’s a bit more pronounced. Obviously, you’re talking out loud now and that requires even more processing than just thinking in words. When we articulate our thoughts and feelings into words, they become more clarified, more integrated, and seem more ‘real’ to us. It’s really healthy to talk in this way, whether to yourself or another person. It’s beneficial to force your brain to condense all the thoughts and feelings that are floating around internally into words and sentences. It’s basically explaining yourself to yourself.  If you have small kids, or watch parents with small kids, you will see this happening between the parent and child. Before we can talk, we need help to organize our world, our thoughts, and our feelings. So we need a parent (or other adult) to explain ourselves to ourselves. And it’s soothing to kids. For example, here’s some things I used to say to my daughter when she was really little.  Wow, you just bonked your head. I bet that really hurt. We can say ‘ow!’ when he bump our head. You wanted that toy but can’t reach it. That makes your feel mad so you cry. You love looking at that doggy! You’re smiling and it means you’re happy.  As we get older, we can internalize this language and don’t need our parents to do it for us any more.  The takeaway here is talking to yourself helps you organize and clarify your own experience, and that’s inherently calming for us. Why Should I Talk to Myself Out Loud? It may sound a little strange, but I encourage my clients to talk to themselves out loud; I even teach them how to do it in the most effective way. Talking to yourself out loud does a few things for you: -Organizes your thoughts -Clarifies your feelings -Helps your feel validated (validated by yourself) -Allows you to coach yourself towards a better response -Helps you plan your next step effectively -Helps you practice how to relate your experience to others I do tell my clients to talk to themselves in a safe space where they are alone and not worried about being overheard; this helps the dialogue just flow without too much self-editing. Great places are at home, in your car, on a walk (with some earbuds in), or while doing chores around the house. Here’s some examples of a great dialogue that I helped my client learn how to do in response to anxiety (I’m paraphrasing here): Okay, I’ve got my performance review coming up today. I feel really nervous it, which makes sense because a performance review if nerve-wracking. It’s out of my control, and that’s always hard for me. I feel a little shaky and I notice I’m playing out some worst-case scenarios in my head. Ugh, I hate this feeling! Okay, my therapist taught me how to do some deep breathing and some self-coaching so I’m going to try that now even though I feel a little silly talking to myself on my commute. Here goes: it’s normal to be nervous, it’s okay. I have prepared for this meeting. I’m going to give it my best shot and see what happens. I’m going to be open to feedback. I’ve come a long way this year. If the worst happens and I get fired, I can find another job. I’ve never been fired before. Okay, that feels a little better. I’m proud of myself for working on my anxiety.  You can see that my client here is basically acting as their own coach or therapist. They are talking to themselves in a helpful way. anyone would feel better after hearing all of this. That’s how positive self-talk works, and the best way to learn how to do this and make it automatic for yourself is to practice out loud (even if it feels silly). When does talking to yourself become unhealthy? When people get worried about talking to yourself, they are usually thinking about psychosis or schizophrenia. These are mental health diagnoses that sometimes have