Ever feel like a fraud at work or with friends? Yeah, me too. That’s called Imposter Syndrome and it’s really common.

When you really want to make changes, meet your goals, improve your relationships or resolve nagging issues, research shows that the most important thing to make therapy or counseling effective is something call “goodness of fit.” That’s a Psychology term for how well you and your therapist ‘click’ together. You know what it feels like when you ‘click’ with someone. Like when you first met your best friend, or your future spouse. It’s this amazing moment of things “oh, here’s my person!” Another to put this is that if you feel that your therapist “gets” you and you feel safe opening up to them and comfortable being vulnerable (which is essential to make changes and meet goals in counseling). So how do you find this magical person? The good news is that there are a plethora of great therapists in Denver. The bad news is that there are a plethora of therapists in Denver, and that can be overwhelming. It can be really, really difficult to find a great fit, but here’s some tips to make the process easier: Narrow Down your Criteria It’s more than okay to have preferences (and ‘must-haves’) for a therapist you are considering working with. You may prefer someone older (or younger), or a man versus a woman. You may look for someone with a particular background (like someone that’s a parent, or is trained in a specific type of therapy). Make a small list of your preferences as a jumping-off point. Make it easy on yourself Counseling is hard enough; you’re sitting in a room with a stranger, baring your secrets and really getting into the nitty-gritty of your ‘stuff.’ So you want to make it easy on yourself in terms of logistics. Check to see if the therapist you’re eyeing has time slots that work for you in an ongoing way. Check their office location to make sure you can easily get there (and park! as we all know, parking can be a nightmare in Denver). Does the office look comfortable and relaxing? There’s lots of great office space available all over Denver, no need to sit in a dark, cramped office. Probably most importantly; can you afford it or does this therapist work with your insurance plan? If you’re going to be stressed about the investment of the counseling in the first place, it doesn’t set you up well to reach your goals. Therapist’s fees should be very clearly stated on their website (if they aren’t, then give it a pass), as well as clear language about whether they take insurance or not. If they don’t take your insurance, ask the therapist about how they can assist you in being reimbursed by your insurance company by submitting paperwork on your behalf (most insurance plans do cover counseling in one way or another, and your therapist should help you navigate this). We do this at Thrive Counseling as a service to our clients, and they say it’s been incredibly helpful in budgeting and making sure that the investment in therapy counts towards their deductible (if they have one). Ask The Right Questions During that first phone call or in-person meeting, the therapist will be asking you a lot of questions; about you, how you have been feeling, what your goals are, where you’ve been getting stuck or hurting, etc. But in a good consultation, you should also be invited and encouraged to ask questions. This is your opportunity to “interview” for the job of being your therapist (a very important role!). So grab that opportunity to ask the right questions to really see if this therapist is the one for you. Here’s some ideas to get your started: Do you help clients like me? How do you help them? What are some examples of tools, strategies or techniques you think would be helpful for me? How do you measure progress with your clients? Do you write a treatment plan and when do we go over it together? What’s your experience in helping people with my specific issue? Make The First Move Now it’s time to act. There’s no getting around it; you have to make that call, send that email, or click the Contact Us button on the website. To get what you’ve never gotten, you have to do what you’ve never done. Maybe for you that’s being vulnerable. Maybe it’s letting a professional evaluate your life-long anxiety, or voice those deep, dark and depressing thoughts. Maybe it’s entertaining the idea that you’re worth it; you’re worth putting in the effort to heal. Maybe it’s asking for help in leaving a bad relationship, or becoming a better you to finally find that right relationship.  Whatever it is for you, we are cheering you on. Whether that’s with us at Thrive Counseling, or elsewhere. We want you to get where you’re going. We’d love to help. Contact Us for a free consultation.

Millennials have been recently dubbed ‘Generation Rent’, due to the price of housing far outstripped both inflation and wage growth. Most young adults can’t afford to buy their own place (even if they wanted to), and so are ‘stuck’ renting a house or apartment. Rents in Denver are high; that’s not a surprise to anyone who has apartment-hunted recently. A recent report showed that between 2010 and 2017 average rents in Denver shot up an astronomical 48 percent. The median rent in Denver for a one-bedroom apartment is now almost $1,400. Although there are positive to renting, such as flexibility in moving and not having to worry about fixing your own leaking faucet, when rents keep rising it can have an effect on your mental health. How? Frequent Moves lead to More Stress When you’re renting, especially in Denver where rent hikes force more moving than average, it’s hard to find a sense of stability and community. Moving itself is stressful and expensive, and keeps people from investing in their homes and making their space their own. In an ideal world, your home is your safe space; a place to de-stress after a long day at work. But many renters feel that their space is not really ‘theirs’ and don’t make changes to it to make it a more calming space, like painting the walls or buying a new bathtub to soak in. Additionally, having a sense of community and knowing your neighbors is generally good for your mental health. If you’re moving around a lot, it’s very hard to develop that sense of community and have neighbors that you can count on to borrow a cup of sugar or watch your car while you’re away. In fact, a study recently found that, compared to homeowners, young renters are more likely to experience loneliness and mental health issues. Money Stress Impacts Mental Health Housing is, by far, most people’s largest expense. In pricey areas like Denver, housing far outpaces other bills. It’s well-known that experiencing financial insecurity leads to increased anxiety, depression, and a general feeling of being ‘left behind’ by peers who appear more financially stable. Even among Denver renters who can pay the bills, knowing that an emergency might cause a problem with making rent leads to increased stress. Add to that the fact that renters face the unknown more than homeowners; they don’t know what the rent will be next year. It’s been rising for over a decade, so it’s just a matter of “how much more will it be next year?” and “can I afford that or do I need to move again?” Leaving Support Networks Leads to Isolation and Loneliness When renters have to move, they inevitably leave behind the built-in social networks and support systems that they cultivated in their old hoods. Having friends and family nearby is protective of mental health. Even knowing your favorite cafes and spots for take-out is comforting. Moving away from all of that due to rising rents can feel very isolating and de-stabilizing. Feeling Like you Can’t Reach Life Goals Housing costs, and the instability of renting, can have an impact on people’s life choices; even large life choices. Housing costs is affecting how people weigh whether to enroll in graduate school and whether (or when) they have children. Even smaller life goals, such has having a space for woodworking, hosting large dinner parties for friends, or mowing your own yard, can feel very far away when housing costs are so high and people feel stuck renting a home they don’t love. In Denver, it’s easy for young adults to feel like they can’t ‘grow up’ and make informed decisions about their life, career, and family until they feel rooted in their own home.

Our friends over at Therapy Den recently wrote a great post about how to find a good therapist. Check it out and be persistent util you find the right therapist for you!

Let’s face it: It’s really hard to make friends after college I remember making insta-friends in High School and College. It seemed so easy back then, didn’t it? You were thrown together with people your own age with generally few time commitments. You serendipitously run into your friends on campus, in classrooms, or at parties. It really seemed like everyone was in the same boat and was so relatable. Then you graduate and it gets so much harder to make (and keep) deep and satisfying friendships. Why is that and what can we do about it? “I’m just so busy right now!” One reason that it’s more difficult to make new friends and keep old ones is simply a fact of time (and its corollary, energy). It’s often a difficult transition to make the jump from a full-time student to a full-time worker; throw in a commute and possibly long hours as you begin to climb the corporate ladder and it’s even more of a wake-up call. Everyone you know would really love to hang out, but is just so busy. Creating time for friends takes effort and intention, and there no boss telling you to do it, so often it fades into the background. In addition, everyone needs some time to decompress from work and for the introverts of the world they want to do this alone. This is critical “me time” for mental health and self-care, but it does cut into would-be friend time. Life moves us in different directions As everyone grows older, their paths diverge in many different ways. People take different career paths, move to different cities and towns, get married, and have children (or not). All of this is healthy, and a part of making your own life. However, these paths may take you further away from old friends and make it more difficult to meet people that didn’t take the same path you did. “Growing apart” is a cliché in romantic relationships, but it’s a true one and it applies to friendships as well. With different life paths comes different experiences and oftentimes different worldviews, priorities, and preferences. If you feel you can’t relate to your friend anymore (and they to you), it’s difficult to put the effort into staying close and staying in touch. It’s vulnerable and awkward to meet new people Making a new friend is hard. One some level, you are saying to a new person “let’s hang out.” Since spontaneous interaction is harder to come by (people no longer just show up to the same parties weekend after weekend), you have to make a plan to meet up with someone. It can be uncomfortable and awkward to do so, because our culture tells us that we should magically be surrounded by friends at all times, and if we’re lonely for feel left out it’s because we did something wrong. On social media, people post most often that they are with other people, rather than alone. So it’s easy to feel like everyone has friends except for you. Matchmaking for Two Once people couple up, it can get even more difficult. You really want the respective boyfriends or girlfriends to get along, and sometime they just don’t hit it off. Making “couple friends” is even more tricky than making new friends in general. So if you’re significant other doesn’t hit it off with your new friend’s significant other, don’t sweat it. Make it a point to hang out one-on-one with our new pal. Getting Pickier As we get older, our priorities begin to shift away from novelty-seeking to towards security and stability. This differs from person to person, but overall, studies show that this gradual shift begins to happen in the late 20s. We tend to seek stability and enjoy security more and more, and we seek this out in our careers, where we live, who we date, and also who we cultivate as friends. All of this means that as we get older, we tend to get pickier about friends. New friends have a higher standard for us, and we tend to “prune” existing friendships; we tend to let fade away those friendships that aren’t as fulfilling to us. So, how do you make friends after college? Given that it’s more difficult to make friends after college, havng a few new strategies under your belt can help you find your new tribe Get involved in the activities your love-with others There’s meetup groups for every interest under the sun. If you’re into politics or activism, seek out your local political party chapter. Join a sports league is you love sports, a trivia league if you love arcane knowledge, join a homebrewing class if you’re into beer. You get the idea. If get yourself out there to participate in activities, at least you know that others are into that thing too, and you can go from there to create a new friendship. Don’t let your ego get in the way If you’re in a new city, or just looking to meet new friends, don’t feel ashamed of that and say so to others. It can feel awkward, but it’s ok to lead with some vulnerability here and state that you’re looking to meet new friends. Here’s a sample script you can use: I’m new in town and love soccer, so I joined this soccer league. Honestly, I’m looking for new friends to hang out with and I know this sounds kind of awkward, but would you like to grab a beer sometime with me? It’s okay to compartmentalize In High School and College, it’s normal to do everything with your friends. But as we all get older, have divergent interests and limited time, it’s ok for have friends for specific purposes or activities. You might have the friend you discuss books with, friends you go camping with, your co-worker friends for happy hour, and a workout friend. You’re not type-casting, your seeing how you connect with certain friends and