Erin Carpenter, Author at Thrive Counseling

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Is My Neatness Actually OCD?

It can he hard to tell if being neat, tidy or a “neat-freak” is just a personal quirk or personal preference or something more difficult, like Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (or OCD). How can you tell the difference? Here is how to differentiate general neatness from OCD: Being neat or tidy is not in response to feelings of high anxiety or having intrusive thoughts. In true OCD, the neatness is not something that you do because it feels good to be ordered or have a clean room, but it’s a response to other things. Usually it’s a response to feelings of high anxiety, and cleaning up or ordering the things on your desk acts as a counter to the anxiety. The other common OCD-related response is intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are thoughts unrelated to reality that enter your mind and are hard to shake. They are usually thoughts about really bad things happening, such as getting into a car accident or having a family member become sick. Sometimes in response to these thoughts, cleaning up, ordering things or re-arranging things makes these thoughts go away, and this is related to OCD rather than just being an organized person. The neatness is not a ritual that you feel compelled to do over and over again. In OCD, being neat is not an end in itself, it becomes a ritual that you complete over and over. For example, someone may feel that they need to re-order their sock drawer before they leave their room. If someone is truly just a neat and tidy person, they may tidy up and then don’t need to do it again until it becomes messy. In OCD, you can’t stop cleaning up in the middle of it, you have to finish. In true OCD, the cleaning or tidying up become more of a soothing ritual, and so you will finish it even if you’re interrupted or need to go do something else. Whereas with regular cleaning, you can stop and then pick it up again. You can always get an expert option on if you have OCD. If you’re still unsure, or want a second opinion, you can always call a counselor and have an evaluation done. At Thrive Counseling, we offer a free consultation and are happy to talk this over with you. Contact Us if you ever want to talk. If you want to learn more about therapy for OCD, check out our OCD Therapy page.

Denver Therapist and Counselor for OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

3 signs you may have OCD

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, is a relatively common mental health issue that affect 2-3% of the population. OCD is often difficult to differentiate between simply being very tidy, very organized, or having a perfectionistic personality. While it can be a challenge to be someone who gets upset at a cluttered home, having Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a more serious problem. If you think you may have OCD, o know someone with OCD, here are three strong signs that you may struggle with this issue. 1. You Have Unsettling, Intrusive Thoughts About Bad Things Happening Intrusive thoughts are a main criteria for OCD. These are particularly alarming thoughts that are intrusive in nature-meaning, they appear out of nowhere, or they can sometimes seem like your brain is “hijacked” into imagining scary things. These thoughts revolved around bad things happening to yourself or someone you love, or even sometimes to a stranger. For example, you might be working on a project at work and all of the sudden you have a scene in your head of getting into a car accident. These thoughts, while irrational and unconnected to your present experience, feel very real and impending. These are the kind of thoughts that make you sweat. They feel really real, as if this thing is bound to happen. 2. You have an urge to do a ritual to stop this bad thing from happening The rituals in OCD are a response to the intrusive thought. An OCD ritual is a behavior that you feel compelled to do because of the intrusive thought. You feel as if you do not complete this ritual, the bad thing will absolutely happen. Here are some common OCD rituals: Checking doors, locks, and switches multiple times-even if you just checked them Stepping on a particular area of the floor-or avoiding a certain area of the floor Pushing a button a certain number of times, even if it takes more time than necessary Saying a certain word or phrase Touching something a certain amount of times before you can “move on” and leave the object behind An important thing to remember about OCD rituals is that they usually have to be “completed.” This means that if you’re interrupted for some reason, you feel the need to start over, as if it did not count to ward off the bad thing from your intrusive thought. I’ve personally worked with clients who could spend up to an hour trying to get a ritual “right” because they were interrupted. 3. You Can’t Stop Doing the Rituals-No Matter How Hard You Try OCD is by its nature compulsive. You feel compelled to engage in the rituals and you can’t control your intrusive thoughts. It’s not a choice, it’s a mental health issue. Don’t feel shame around OCD. OCD it very treatable; usually a combination of medication and counseling can control symptoms or make them go away completely. Counseling involved identifying intrusive thoughts and rituals, and slowly building up coping tools so that you can slow down the rituals and eventually stop. If you think you may have OCD, you can call a counselor or therapist who treats OCD and get their opinion. If you think you might have OCD, call Thrive Counseling to get an expert opinion. For more information about how therapy for OCD helps, go to our OCD Therapy page.

How To Forgive Yourself. Denver Counseling. Denver Therapy.

How Do I Learn to Forgive Myself?

Forgiveness is hard. Learning to forgive yourself is often the first step to creating a real change in your life or moving in a new direction. There’s a wonderful quote from the celebrated Carl Rodgers that wisely points out: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” So how do we forgive ourselves for past bad behaviors, bad habits, broken relationships, or just plain not living up to our best selves? First, Know what Forgiveness is and What it isn’t Forgiving yourself is very similar to accepting yourself, warts and all. But it’s important to remember that acceptance is not the same as condoning your actions or thinking “it’s OK’ or “it’s no big deal.” Acceptance is simply recognizing your reality, and seeing our mistakes for what they are; mistakes that we made that had some consequences. We need to look these in the eye and really see them before we can move forward. Forgiving yourself is not letting yourself off the hook or excusing yourself. Don’t Sugarcoat It, But Don’t Unnecessarily Beat Yourself Up Either We all make mistakes, and forgiving ourselves means we see what we did, and we take responsibility for our part in it. We need to not judge ourselves overly harshly, but we do need to name what we did and see the negative consequences. For example, I was working with a client who was absent for most of his child’s early years due to his own drug addiction. He had a difficult time forgiving himself because his inner dialogue swung between letting himself off the hook and punishing himself by telling himself he was worthless and a horrible person. These two extremes may feel true in different moments, but the truth is in the middle. When we worked together, we came up with the language of “I was selfish and untreated in my addiction for years, this caused a rift in my relationship with my child. I’m working on it, but I know I have a tendency to be selfish, so I will be mindful of this.” Take It Into Context Nothing happens in a vacuum. When we make mistakes, when we’re short-sighted or hurtful, there’s usually a contributing factor at play. Maybe it unresolved trauma, maybe we just experienced a loss, maybe we are not taking responsibility to take care of ourselves. Whatever it is, it’s important in the self-forgiveness process to remember and name the context of our actions; not to excuse ourselves, but to ground ourselves in reality and learn from it moving forward. Right The Wrongs That You Can No one can rewind the past, but we can be pro-active to right the wrongs that we can. Whether our mistake was yesterday or decades ago, we can all reach out to those that we’ve hurt and apologize. If we can’t do that, we can look at what happened honestly and learn to not make the same mistake again. Lastly, Let It Go Forgiving another person means that you don’t get to use what they did as a weapon anymore. There are still consequences our their actions, but you can’t use their mistake to punish them when you’re feeling angry or sad. The same goes for forgiving yourself. When you’re feeling bad about yourself, it’s tempting to replay our past mistakes and beat ourselves up. But when we can take responsibility, and then let it go, we are removing that past mistake from our arsenal of weapons with which we can shame ourselves. This is how self-forgiveness moves us forward. It’s not an east process, but a worthwhile one.

People Talk About Their First Therapy Session

We love this amazing video from Boldly where people open up about their first therapy session. What really jumped out to us (what what we have heard from our own clients) were these quotes from the video: If I don’t tell people I know and love about my problems, why would I tell a stranger my problems? I was really nervous and I almost cancelled.. So much emotion came out at me, and I was such a great feeling..

Denver Therapist and Counselor for Panic Attacks

What Happens in Your Brain During a Panic Attack?

I’m someone who feels almost immediately calmed when I understand what’s going on within me. Even if the feeling does not go away right away, simply being able to know what’s happening is helpful. No where is this more helpful than in the area of anxiety and panic attacks. Panic attacks are frightening and confusing. Here’s what happens in your brain during a panic attack. The Amygdala decides there’s a danger The pathophysiology of a panic attack is not well understood yet. But we’re beginning to understand which parts of the brain are involved. The part of your brain that acts as the “anxiety waystation” is the amygdala located in the temporal lobe. This is where sensory information from the environment and your past memories of similar situations is integrated. The amygdala, then, is what will “decide if you need to panic”. Generally, there is a trigger involved though the person experiencing the attack is not always conscious of the trigger (this is where therapy can be very useful). After the decision is made, your body “turns on the fight-or-flight” response and you’re well aware of what happens next. It should also be noted that every panic attack you have strengthens this neural circuit which only predisposes you to future attacks. Are certain people predisposed to panic attacks? Now why do people develop panic disorder / attacks? The main culprit seems to be disruptions in GABA neurotransmitter system which is involved in A LOT of human emotions and reactions. GABA is a name for a specific transmitter in your brain, that carries message from one neuron cell to another, telling the brain to do certain things. The things that might contribute to these changes in the GABA system include your temperament (we think this is a genetic thing), the adversity you’ve faced in your childhood, life stress and then genetics in the general sense. I’ve had people tell me it’s a glitch in the fight-or-flight response, that my brain is unable to process the stress being placed on it, my body is dumping it’s supply of adrenaline That’s how most panic attacks work. Andrenaline increases your heart and breathing rate in preperation for extreme physical exertion. Since you typically don’t exert yourself, you wind up with secondary symptoms, like shaking, lightheadedness, and low blood sugar. This discomfort can induce stress in and of itself, prolonging the attack.

If Your Loved One was Sexually Assault -Therapist in Denver here to help

If Your Loved One was Sexually Assaulted-Be The Encourager

Healing from trauma is hard work. It’s exhausting and taxing. As a supporter, you can help by encouraging the survivor to continue doing their work of healing while validating how difficult the process is. Sometimes we all need a word of encouragement to continue down an uncomfortable path. Make time to encourage the survivor in your life, letting them know they can do it and that you have faith in them. Here are some things to say to encourage the survivor in your life: You’re doing a great job, I can’t imagine who difficult this must be for you. I know it’s hard to do this healing work, keep at it. I saw that you used that new coping tool you learned in your group, great job. How can I help you to stay on your healing path? Can I help you find a therapist to talk through this? You seem overwhelmed but you’re doing a great job right now, let’s slow things down and talk about it. If your Loved One has stopped their healing process As a trauma therapist, I know first-hand that healing is really hard work, and sometimes people ‘drop out’ of their process. They could stop seeing their therapist, stop going to their group, stop utilizing coping tools and turn to unhelpful ones such as using substances to ‘numb out’ or shutting down their feelings. It happens, and it’s scary for those who love them and only want to see them get better. As the Encourager, you can support them by helping them re-enter their healing process and remind them of the progress that you see when they are working on these things. When the survivor is in their healing process, it can be difficult to see their progress, so make sure that you are reminding them in concrete ways of how their work is helping and encourage them to continue. Be their cheerleader, they need one right now.

Exercise Addiction or healthy habit? Denver Therapy Counselor working with Eating Disorders and Body Image

Is Exercising Too Much a Sign of an Eating Disorder?

Exercise is good, right? Exercise lifts our mood, makes us healthy, gives us energy…what can be bad? I’m often asked when is exercise too much? Can it be a sign of an eating disorder? The answer is “yes”, it can be a sign of a eating disorder, and sometimes it’s a fine line between a healthy habit and a dependency on exercise to control weight in an unhealthy way or cope with difficult thoughts and feelings. Here’s how to tell the difference: What is your intention with the exercise? When exercise is part of an eating disorder, the intention around exercise matters. If your intention is to lift your mood, revel in moving your body around, develop a great habit, clear your mind, and work on fitness goals than by all means, sweat away. If, on the other hand, the exercise is a punishment for perceived over-eating, or feels like a sacrifice you have to make to the voice in your head telling you that you’re fat/ugly/worhtless/whatever, well that’s a different thing entirely. If the intention of the exercise is punishing or placating something judgmental, then that is a sign of a disorder. Is your exercise habit too rigid? We all want to cultivate healthy habits for ourselves. Sometimes, exercise does feel like a chore, but we do it for our health and to keep up a good habit. But if exercise becomes so rigid that it interferes with other valued areas of your life, it may be time to look at this. For example, if you can’t skip a workout to do something fun with your friends, or connect with a partner, or complete an important task, then that is leading down an unhealthy road. If you feel like your day will be “ruined” if you work out in the evening rather than the morning, that’s rigid in an unhealthy way. Has the exercise become an addition? Exercise can become an unhealthy addiction. This happens when you exercise so much it’s unhealthy for your body and you are not re-fueling properly, or resting when your body tells you it needs rest. If you are dependent on exercise to keep anxiety, depression, or eating disorder-related thoughts at bay, it may be time to get some other tools handy to deal with these things. This doesn’t mean to never exercise again, of course. When we work with clients around this issue, it’s always about putting exercise in its proper place; part of a healthy lifestyle, but not the central piece of your self-image and self-esteem.

3 Things You Don’t Want Your Therapist To Know-And Why You Should Tell Them

We all “know” that we should be open with our therapists, that’s the reason we have a therapist in the first place. A place that is just for you, with your therapist or counselor’s undivided attention. A place with no judgement. However, it is still really hard to be open, and it’s normal to feel embarrassed about some things that come up in therapy. Here are the 3 top things that I notice my clients feel embarrassed about, and why I love when they share them with me. 1 I’m not sure if I can trust my therapist completely. Why you feel this way: You know that your therapist is there for you. You hired them after all! They are bound by very strict rules of confidentiality. But still, this is a stranger after all. How do you know that they won’t tell their friends about “that crazy client of mine?” We don’t share a lot of ourselves most of the time, so you feel really open and vulnerable. Why you should tell your therapist: We completely understand. Most of us have going through therapy or counseling ourselves and we know what it feels like to be vulnerable and wonder if the person on the other side of the room is really trustworthy. We love to have these conversations so that we can reassure you, explain how confidentiality works, and explore any deeper trust issues that this brings up. If you feel uncomfortable with being the only one talking about themselves, you can also ask questions about us. It will help your process if you can talk openly with your therapist about trust. 2. I do this really embarrassing thing to cope, and I feel ashamed about it. Why you feel this way: We all do things to cope with difficult emotions and thoughts-good things, bad things, crazy things, embarrassing things. When we are put under a certain kind of stress, we all have the urge to act out. Sometimes it’s surprising what we find ourselves doing in deeply uncomfortable moments. We just want to feeling to go away, and we stumble upon something that gives us temporary relief. Why you should tell your therapist: We get it. We’ve heard it all. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. We are here to help you and to understand you. Here’s an incomplete list of unhelpful coping that I’v heard about just this past month: Stealing things pacing binge eating binge drinking using drugs punching yourself pulling out you hair picking a fight with your spouse starving yourself making yourself throw up See? You’re not as alone as you think you are, and these behaviors are not part of your personality, but a behavior that you are reaching for in moments of desperation. Your therapist wants to know so that they can work together with you to find better coping tools. 3. I’m not sure this therapy is working. Why you feel this way: Maybe you’ve been going to counseling for a while, and you are just not seeing the progress that you want to. Or you feel disconnected from the process. Or not heard or understood. You wonder where the therapy is going, or you’re not sure of your goals anymore. This is really common. Why you should tell your therapist: We do not take this personally. We want to know what you’re thinking about the process and if you’re unhappy with it. We are here to serve you and help you towards your goals. Often, we can re-adjust to get back on track. Sometimes we see lots of progress that is not apparent to you, and we love the opportunity to point that out. Perhaps it’s time to end therapy because we’ve reach our goals. We want to know so we can help.

How Can I stop Thinking About the Past?

Whether you’re finding yourself thinking too much about the past, or obsessing over upsetting memories, it’s difficult to “get over” the past and live in the present. Part of the reason that it’s so difficult to stop ruminating about the past is due to how our brains are wired. Specific memories, feelings and thought patterns often arrange themselves together if they coalesce around a past event. There’s a saying in brain science that goes: What fires together, gets wired together. This basically means that we create well-worn “paths” in the neural structures of our brains that we can get caught in. Once we start thinking about one thing, it leads to the next and so on and on. Here are some concrete tools to stop thinking about the past: Notice when you are thinking too much about the past. Pay attention to where your mind is. If you’re obsessing about the past, say to yourself “I’m obsessing again, and I’m working on letting this stuff go.” 2. Use an Interruption Technique. This is where you jolt your mind out of the obsessive pattern by thinking about something else, moving your body around, giving your brain a new task (such as solving a simple math problem), or even singing to interrupt the ruminating on the past. 3. Re-write the story of the past event. Take a more balanced view of the past event and re-frame it as something both good and bad, not simply something bad that happened that you can beat yourself up over. For example, you could re-frame a job firing as: “I didn’t do well in that job, but I did learn new skills and I know what to work on in my next job.”

How Long Does a Panic Attack Last?

There are really two answers to the question of how long panic attacks really last: First, how long it feels they last, and second, how long they actually last. To the first question the answer is simple: They like like they last forever. The intense feeling of fear and anxiety, the racing thoughts, the rapid heartbeat, all of it. It feels like it will never, ever end. But it does, and quicker than you might think. The second question has been studied and we also did an informal survey of clients here at our Denver therapy office which confirmed it: Panic Attacks usually build for 5-8 minutes, peak at about 10 minutes, and are over in 20-30 minutes. This doesn’t mean that you feel better after 20-30 minutes, however. For the next 20 minutes or so, you will likely feel the after-effects of a panic attack which is the feeling of all that adrenaline leaving your body. You might feel weak, shaky, tired, and a bit numb. This is really normal. The important this to remember is that panic attacks are temporary, and you won’t panic forever. It’s relatively normal to have one or two panic attacks in your lifetime. If you have them more regularly, you may actually have an anxiety disorder and could benefit from counseling and possibly medication to treat it. For more on therapy for anxiety, go to our Anxiety Therapy page.

How To Find a Therapist near the Denver Tech Center

If you’re looking for a therapist in a large metro area like Denver, it helps to be more targeted in your search. Thrive Counseling is located just north of the Denver Tech Center, so we have a lot of clients that either live or work in the Denver Tech Center (or the DTC, as the locals call it). Sometimes we are not a good fit for someone, and they ask me how to find a different therapist in the Denver Tech Center. Here’s three ways to go about it: 1.If you want to find a therapist that takes your insurance, call your insurance company directly and ask for referrals. They have the definitive list for who is in-netowrk with you, and you can ask them to search in a specific area for you. 2.You can use a Therapist Directory like Psychology Today, and search via your Zip code. This will give you a list of therapists in your area. 3.Call Thrive Counseling or send us an email. We are near the Denver Tech Center and would love to hear from you.

If Your Loved One is Sexually Assaulted-Be the Encourager

If your loved one is sexually assaulted, you might now know what to do. For example, your girlfriend may be raped, or your boyfriend opens up and tells you that he was molested as a child. A friend may tell you in hushed tones that she was sexually assaulted by a friend or someone she was dating. I get asked often what do to if your loved one is sexually assaulted, and one important thing to do is to remember your role with them. One of your roles is to encourage them- Be an Encourager. Healing from trauma is hard work. It’s exhausting and taxing. As a supporter, you can help by encouraging the survivor to continue doing their work of healing while validating how difficult the process is. Sometimes we all need a word of encouragement to continue down an uncomfortable path. Make time to encourage the survivor in your life, letting them know they can do it and that you have faith in them. Here are some things you can say to encourage your loved one if they are sexually assaulted: I can see how hard this is, and I’m proud of you I bet it was really hard to go to therapy today Thank you for telling me how I can help you in this moment You’re doing a good job taking care of yourself-you must be exhuasted I see all your hard work to heal, I see your progress even if you can’t right now