We all “know” that we should be open with our therapists, that’s the reason we have a therapist in the first place. A place that is just for you, with your therapist or counselor’s undivided attention. A place with no judgement. However, it is still really hard to be open, and it’s normal to feel embarrassed about some things that come up in therapy. Here are the 3 top things that I notice my clients feel embarrassed about, and why I love when they share them with me.
1 I’m not sure if I can trust my therapist completely.
Why you feel this way:
You know that your therapist is there for you. You hired them after all! They are bound by very strict rules of confidentiality. But still, this is a stranger after all. How do you know that they won’t tell their friends about “that crazy client of mine?” We don’t share a lot of ourselves most of the time, so you feel really open and vulnerable.
Why you should tell your therapist:
We completely understand. Most of us have going through therapy or counseling ourselves and we know what it feels like to be vulnerable and wonder if the person on the other side of the room is really trustworthy. We love to have these conversations so that we can reassure you, explain how confidentiality works, and explore any deeper trust issues that this brings up. If you feel uncomfortable with being the only one talking about themselves, you can also ask questions about us. It will help your process if you can talk openly with your therapist about trust.
2. I do this really embarrassing thing to cope, and I feel ashamed about it.
Why you feel this way:
We all do things to cope with difficult emotions and thoughts-good things, bad things, crazy things, embarrassing things. When we are put under a certain kind of stress, we all have the urge to act out. Sometimes it’s surprising what we find ourselves doing in deeply uncomfortable moments. We just want to feeling to go away, and we stumble upon something that gives us temporary relief.
Why you should tell your therapist:
We get it. We’ve heard it all. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. We are here to help you and to understand you. Here’s an incomplete list of unhelpful coping that I’v heard about just this past month:
- Stealing things
- pacing
- binge eating
- binge drinking
- using drugs
- punching yourself
- pulling out you hair
- picking a fight with your spouse
- starving yourself
- making yourself throw up
See? You’re not as alone as you think you are, and these behaviors are not part of your personality, but a behavior that you are reaching for in moments of desperation. Your therapist wants to know so that they can work together with you to find better coping tools.
3. I’m not sure this therapy is working.
Why you feel this way:
Maybe you’ve been going to counseling for a while, and you are just not seeing the progress that you want to. Or you feel disconnected from the process. Or not heard or understood. You wonder where the therapy is going, or you’re not sure of your goals anymore. This is really common.
Why you should tell your therapist:
We do not take this personally. We want to know what you’re thinking about the process and if you’re unhappy with it. We are here to serve you and help you towards your goals. Often, we can re-adjust to get back on track. Sometimes we see lots of progress that is not apparent to you, and we love the opportunity to point that out. Perhaps it’s time to end therapy because we’ve reach our goals. We want to know so we can help.