Amelia Elkins, LCSW, CAS
Grief is so much more than death. Recently, a lot of folks have discussed what it means to lose a friendship and how to charter these waters. So much time is spent processing “breakups,” or romantic relationships ending, but what about friends? In some cases (actually, in a lot of cases) the loss of a longtime friend is much more painful than the loss of an intimate partner. Here are some ideas to get through the process:
- Acceptance: One of my favorite quotes is “change is the only constant” (Heraclitus) and this is true for friendships. Sitting with and recognizing that life changes, people change, and the world around us changes cannot be avoided. COVID has allowed some friendships to evolve and strengthen while others have faded due to physical space, emotional space, or even political disagreement. Sitting with and recognizing the change is happening is the first step.
- Friendships Aren’t Always Meant to be Long Term: Some friendships are meant to be situational, such as in school, work, or with hobbies. These people are valuable and serve crucial roles, but the relationship may be lacking outside of a category and that is okay. Recognizing people come in and out of our lives for different reasons is a helpful tool to sit with friendships shifting. More on this here.
- Space may be Temporary: Recognize the friendship may need a breather and there is always an option to reconnect if both parties want this. If the friendship breakup is a conversation, this may even be something to cover. For example, “we both need to do our own thing for a while but let’s touch base in 6 months.” Or, in some situations, this may even happen naturally. Have faith in the fact that this break may be happening for a reason. More on this here.
- Roll Call: Take an honest look at the friendships in your life. There may be some amazing people there, so reflect on gratitude. There may also be patterns of loss or avoidance for you if there has been a stream of friendship loss. What is happening in your life that may be causing this? Doing an inventory of your own values and friendships may be helpful.
Need more support? Processing and working through friendship dilemmas in therapy can be highly beneficial. Reach out today to get started!