Do you ever feel like a fraud? Do you feel like if people really knew you that you were making it up as you went along, that you might be fired, broken up with, or rejected?
Yeah, me too.
There’s a name for this, it’s called the Imposter Syndrome, and it’s running rampant within everyone around you. It’s especially prevalent among young people and women. Estimates are that 70% of young people experience Imposter Syndrome
What Is Imposter Syndrome?
So what is imposter syndrome? It’s both a feeling and a thought pattern. People usually experience it as a stream of running thoughts, or a way of talking to yourself. Here’s how mine sounds:
Who do you think you are, being in this position?
I’m sure everyone else has this figured out, and I have so many questions.
I’m just winging it, but they seem like they know what they’re doing.
I’m sure I got hired here by a stroke of luck, if they really knew how lost I feel, I would get fired.
If my partner knew about my dark thoughts and feelings, I’m sure they would leave me.
I bet my friends have it all together, but I certainly don’t.
I’m not smart enough to lead this team/keep up with my manager/take that promotion/find a new career.
Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing about Imposter Syndrome, research shows that actual success doesn’t tend to budge this feeling and thought pattern. So no matter how much actual real-world evidence you might have that you are not a fraud, you continue to feel like one.
How To Deal with Imposter Syndrome
So, first of all, why should you deal with the Imposter Syndrome at all? It’s very common, after all. But research shows that if you’re constantly in this thought cycle of “they’re onto me”, you won’t grab opportunities as they show up. Even worse, we usually have two unhelpful reactions to Imposter Syndrome: Procrastination or Over-Preperation.
Procrastination rears its ugly head when we feel overwhelmed or completely unable to do the tasks in front of us. If we’re constantly feeling like a fraud, it’s way easier to ignore important tasks or projects because we don’t feel that we are up to the tasks in the first place. Of course, this leads to not getting anything done at all, and further feelings of failure.
The opposite of procrastination might be over-preperation or perfectionism. When we feel insecure about our abilities or intelligence, we can over-compensate in order to ‘prove’ ourselves to others. This is usually an ineffective way to work, however. We tend to get stuck in the tiny details of a task instead of completing it, recognizing that it’s fine, and moving on to the next thing.
To move past Imposter Syndrome, here’s some helpful things to do:
Catch yourself if you find yourself stuck in Imposter Syndrome thinking, and try to gently challenge it. Here’s some examples:
I know it’s common to feel like a fraud sometimes, I bet even my boss feels that way too.
No one has it together all the time, no matter what they say.
I’m feeling this way because I’m overwhelmed. I’ll take things one little step at a time and ask for help if I need it.
Done is better than perfect.
They hired me, so I do have value in this team.
Keep a mental (or paper) log of things that you have been successful at, and look at it often.
If you’re stuck with coming up with things you’ve done well, ask your friends or co-workers.
Try to reduce comparisons, they are not helpful
It’s said that comparison is the thief of joy, and it’s very true. With Social Media, we have a (warped) window into everyone’s lives and it’s easy to see why this can be so toxic. Remember that you are always seeing a carefully curated version of someone’s life.