By: Catherine Sangi, LPC
We all have that one (or five) family members whose views do not align with ours and being with them can be triggering for our mental health. The triggering behavior can escalate to the point where we start having nightmares about being with our family, we are having anxiety and panic attacks just thinking about the next family function, or we ultimately avoid them altogether. It is important to protect our mental health. However, if continuing to spend time with your family is a priority, try one of these tactics for your next gathering:
- Set ground rules
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- If your family is willing, try to set ground rules that certain conversations are off limits.
- Here are some non-polarizing topics you can come prepared to talk about.
- Engage in self-talk
- “I cannot control my Uncle Mike, I can only control myself.”
- “We have different beliefs, but that does not mean I can’t be in the same room as them.”
- “They are really frustrating me right now, so I am going to choose to give my energy to another family member.”
- Do not respond or engage
- It is okay to protect your energy and not respond to every comment that we disagree with.
- Phone a friend
- Sometimes we need to get it out, so excuse yourself to the bathroom and call or text a friend that understands your situation.
- Have an exit plan
- Know your limits and perhaps set a boundary that you will only stay for 1-2 hours or will leave after dinner is served.
- Remember you do not know owe anyone anything
- Ultimately, if anyone is unable to respect your boundaries that protect your mental health, you are allowed to set limits with how often and to what extent you continue to have a relationship with them.