Relationships make the world go round. In fact, research shows that the number-one thing that leads to happiness is having great relationships with others; with spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends, best friends, co-workers, roommates, you name it. So where dos mindfulness come in? Does sitting in the lotus position automatically improve our relationships? Not quite, but here are some ways that mindfulness actually does impact our relationships in a big way.
Listening mindfully, Understanding More
When we are being present and in-the-moment with someone else, we actually hear what they are saying. We also pick up on all the non-verbal cues that complement conversation. When people understand us, we like them more and feel connected, safe, and respected. To do this effectively, focus your attention on whoever you’re talking with. When you notice your attention wander away (and it always will, don’t worry, that’s normal), notice that you’ve strayed and gently re-focus on whomever you’re talking to. It does take practice. Keep at it and you’ll be an amazing listener in no time.
Mindful of yourself, Better communicator
When you are mindful of what’s going on with you when you’re with others, you can choose to share your observations to communicate better with others. For example, maybe you notice feeling irritable whenever talking with your spouse about money. You can share that to lead to a deeper conversation and better understanding about what’s going on. For example:
“Hey honey, I notice that I feel irritable when we go over the bills. Have you noticed the same thing? I think it comes from stress, what do you think? What are money issues like for you?”
Much better than getting irritable and not really noticing until you snap at them:
“Seriously, how many times do you need to go to Chipotle every week??”
Mindfulness Practice, Better Emotional IQ
Having your own mindfulness practice, which is just a few minutes a day of focusing your attention on the moment and what you notice, leads to a big boost of Emotional Intelligence. In other words, mindfulness helps you better process incoming emotional information. If you can recognize and process your own and others’ emotions in the moment, you don’t make assumptions about others, hold grudges or feel unheard. It breaks us out of being reactive and teaches us how to be responsive instead. People love being in relationships with people who have high emotional IQ.