How to Get Your Teenager to Go to Therapy
By: Jessica Taylor, LPC
Starting therapy can feel overwhelming or scary for most adults. Knowing that, now try to imagine what starting therapy must feel like for a teenager. Teens are arguably right in the middle of one of life’s most difficult developmental phases. Feeling as though they are independent and belong with their peer group are the first priorities; and listening to the advice of their primary caregivers is extremely low on that priority list. Here are some tips if you feel that your child would benefit from talking to a therapist, but they have expressed that they are resistant to the idea.
Don’t force it.
The only time it is appropriate to obligate your child to attend therapy is if they are experiencing severe symptoms of mental illness and/or suicidal ideations or engaging in self-harm. In that case, it is important to have a trained professional consistently assessing for risk and helping you take the necessary actions to keep your child safe.
In other cases, the reason you don’t want to force your child to engage in therapy is because you will likely be spending a bunch of money only for them to answer their therapist’s questions with “I don’t know.” During this time of their life, it is important for them to know that their thoughts and feelings are heard and are being taken into account. We want them to have good feelings, rather than negative ones, when they think about therapy. We are “planting the seed” so that they will return to therapy, if necessary, during adulthood.
Get them involved in the process.
It’s well established that teenagers don’t like being told what to do. And it’s our job as parents to set appropriate boundaries when necessary. But a good compromise is giving them choices. Ask them if they want to look through therapist websites and pick a therapist that seems like a good match. Have them decide what day they would like to meet with their therapist, or how frequently they feel they would like to schedule sessions.
Turn to social media.
Yes, you heard that right. I know how scary social media can be when you have a teenager. There is a lot of dangerous stuff on there. But it can also be extremely helpful in situations like this. Find a Tik Tok or Instagram video about treatment for anxiety, etc. I guarantee that your kid is going to pay much more attention to this compared to a story about how therapy was helpful for your coworker’s niece.
Make them a deal.
If your teen is feeling hesitant to start therapy, it might be because they are unsure of what the process will look like. Say something like: “Just try two sessions with a therapist of your choice, and then decide whether you would like to continue with therapy.” They are going to be more willing to start the process if it doesn’t feel as though they will be committed to something long-term.
Associate therapy sessions with something they already enjoy.
Could this also be referred to as bribery? Sure. But remember when your child would get a sticker after a visit to the doctor? Same thing. It is going to encourage your teenager to see therapy in a positive light if it is associated with something else that they enjoy. This doesn’t have to be anything huge. Here are some ideas of things to reward your child with after their therapy sessions:
- Take them for ice cream and eat it in the car or on a walk while you talk about neutral topics.
- Drop them off at a friend’s house for a bit.
- Let them pick what the family will have for dinner that night.
Come up with an agreement about confidentiality.
Trust me, your teenager is going to be more open and honest (read: get more out of therapy) if they know that the therapist is not reporting back to you with everything they share in therapy. If you are comfortable with it, create a verbal or written agreement with your child and their therapist about the things the therapist will need to fill you in on. Typically, this is when the therapist is concerned about your child’s safety, or there is something that your child wants you to know but doesn’t feel comfortable telling you themselves.
Don’t push them to share what they spoke about in therapy.
Along the same lines, no matter how difficult it is, try to resist the urge to say “so, what did you talk about in there?” as soon as they leave therapy. This may create an awkward dynamic where they don’t want to lie to you, but also don’t want to tell you what they spoke about. Keep the door open for them to share by saying something like this instead: “I hope you had a good session with your therapist. Let me know if there is anything you want to talk about, but it’s totally fine if you don’t want to share!”