Why Is My Social Anxiety Getting Worse?

It’s pretty common to experience at least some symptoms of social anxiety. Us humans can be extremely critical of ourselves and are basically programmed to compare ourselves to others. So, it makes sense that social situations only intensify this. The most common complaints I hear from clients who struggle with symptoms of social anxiety include feelings of dread before events where they know there will be a lot of people, or the situation is unfamiliar to them (i.e.: going to a new church group alone.) Social anxiety is a tough one to overcome alone. If you feel as though you might be struggling with some symptoms of social anxiety and have noticed that over time these symptoms seem to be getting worse, rather than better, here are some things to consider.

Symptoms of Social Anxiety

It is clear that no one fits in a ‘box,’ but according to the DSM-5, if you are experiencing one or more of these symptoms, what you are going through is most likely related to the presence of social anxiety.

Persistent and intense fear of specific social situations due to feeling of being judged by others or embarrassed
Avoidance of social situations that are perceived to trigger anxiety
Excessive symptoms of anxiety (i.e.: racing thoughts, excessive sweating, shaking, etc.)
Symptoms of anxiety and/or use of avoidance interfere with daily life (i.e.: struggling in relationships, work, etc.)

These symptoms can occur due to being triggered by a negative social experience, or can even occur seemingly randomly, as some of us are just predisposed to experience more intense and specific symptoms of anxiety

How Avoidance Makes Symptoms Worse

The use of avoidance as a coping skill for symptoms of social anxiety is typically the action (or inaction) of “opting out.” When someone experiences symptoms of social anxiety, most events where they are expected to be around groups of people and/or going into a situation that they are unfamiliar with, the urge to avoid can get intense.

Here are a few examples of what opting out looks like in real life:

You get invited to a party and are feeling your symptoms of anxiety gradually increase as the day of the party gets closer and closer. At the last minute, you decide that even though you want to see your friends, and don’t want them to be disappointed that you aren’t there, the feelings of anxiety are just too overwhelming, and you have to stay home.

When you go to the grocery store, you feel as though everyone is looking at you and/or judging you, so you decide to order all of your groceries online instead.

Do either of those situations look familiar? This is because avoiding something that is triggering our anxiety feels really good in the moment. The problem is that when we avoid triggering stimuli, we are training our brain to see the situation that we are opting out of as a serious threat. The part of your brain that is supposed to protect you from danger sees that you avoided that situation and then thinks that it needs to protect you from that situation, and any situation like it, forever. So, the next time you are invited to a party or even just have to go out in public for something, your brain is going to send you even more intense symptoms of anxiety in order to try to prevent you from what you have trained it is dangerous.

How To Begin the Process of Reducing Symptoms of Social Anxiety

Remember that no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself

I’m sorry, but it’s true. Remember what I said earlier about humans comparing ourselves to one another? This means that other people are not thinking about the silly thing that you said during that party. They are too busy worrying about the silly thing they said. No one is as critical of us as we are of ourselves.

Work on ‘catching’ yourself when you are buying into negative and unhelpful stories

Since your brain sees social situations as dangerous, it is going to send you frequent messages to remind you of this (i.e.: “Don’t go to that book club because you will ask stupid questions and be embarrassed.”) Most of us have been receiving these messages for a long time, so they are basically an automatic process at this point, that sometimes we don’t even consciously notice. But if you are feeling anxious about social situation, it is a fact that you are buying into (believing) some message that your brain is sending you. This means that you need to uncover what that message is and remind yourself that your brain is trying to protect you from something it sees as dangerous, when in reality it probably isn’t dangerous.

Practice mediation and grounding techniques

When we face anxiety-provoking situations, we are going to experience some uncomfortable symptoms. That’s okay though because you can learn the skills to deal with these things in-the-moment. Practicing guided mediations and grounding techniques is going to help you cope with anything that comes up during a social situation that triggers symptoms of anxiety.

Gradually engage in activities that cause you anxiety

Again, avoidance, or opting out of an activity that triggers symptoms of anxiety is going to feel great at first. But this is only going to make your symptoms of social anxiety worse in the future. In order to prevent this, start small. Start going to the grocery store again, but go early in the morning or late at night when less people are there. Go to the party, but ask a friend to come with you so that you don’t have to walk in the door alone. Just walk around the block or through a park for ten minutes per day. When you expose yourself to these anxiety provoking situations (while using your mindfulness and grounding techniques), you are now training your brain to recognize that it doesn’t need to send you symptoms of anxiety and/or harmful messages, because these are situations that you don’t need protection from.

Ask for help

Like I said earlier, symptoms of social anxiety are difficult to overcome alone. If you feel you need support, reach out to a therapist to discuss treatment options. They can explain the tools listed above in greater detail and also hold you accountable in pushing yourself to find coping skills other than avoidance.

Written by: Jessica Taylor, LPC