What is Cutting and Self-Harm?
Cutting, also called Self-Harm or Self-mutilation, is a relatively common behavior. There are many different kinds of Self-Harm:
-cutting yourself with a knife or razor
-Burning yourself with a lighter or match
-Hitting yourself
-Pulling your hair
Any kind of behavior that causes yourself physical pain can be a kind of self-harm. Self-harm can be ritualistic, when someone does the same self-harm over and over like a daily habit. More often, self-harm is a response to a particular kind of stressor in your life.
Who Do People Cut Themselves?
Many of my clients who engage in self-harm describe the calming effect of the cutting. They say that the pain and the physical sensations of self-harm are calming, centering, or allow them to focus in a moment when they are in intense emotional pain, confusion, or internal chaos.
One client who self-harms explains it this way:
I first stumbled upon self-harm because I saw someone do it in a movie. When I first saw that, I thought ‘Why would anyone do that? That looks painful.’ But in a moment when I was reeling and in so much emotional pain, I punched the wall in a moment of anger, and the pain in my hand actually calmed me down. Instead of being overwhelmed by my own feelings, the only thing I could feel was the throbbing in my hand, and it felt good to be so focused on one thing. From there, I went to cutting my arm and although it hurts, it somehow helped me manage my own emotions.
Although it’s counter-intuitive, cutting or self-harm is actually a coping tool. People trade emotional pain for physical pain. Some people also use self-harm as a form of self-punishment to relieve feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-worth. When someone feels badly about themselves, it can actually feel ‘right’ or correct to cause yourself pain.
Do people cut themselves for attention?
Although it can seem like an attention-grabbing technique, most people who self-harm do not do it for attention and never intend for their loved ones or friends to find out that they self-harm. People will hide their scars and wounds carefully, and often feel ashamed that they have fallen into this negative habit, but feel unable to stop. It’s a deeply personal thing for most.
However, self-harm can be a cry for help, or a way to manifest emotional pain in a physical way, and to show to themselves and others that they suffer in ways that are hard to articulate. Most people who self-harm feel deeply alone and may believe that others can’t understand them or help them.
What do I do if I find out my friend or loved one cuts themselves?
If you find out someone you care about is self-harming, it’s important to express your caring and concern for that person. It’s helpful to focus on their emotional pain, rather than the cutting itself. Although it’s a very worrisome behavior, it’s a symptom of a deeper issue. Often, there is an underlying issue with psychological Trauma, Depression and Anxiety.
You can say:
I saw that you engage in self-harm. That must be very difficult for you. I bet there’s a lot of emotional pain tied up in that. I want you to know that I care about you and I’m here for you. I know you don’t do that to hurt anyone, but it pains me to see you in so much pain. Do you think the next time you feel like cutting yourself, you can call me and talk?
How can I stop cutting when I’m upset?
Be prepared for the fact that it can be difficult to stop self-harm. To stop, you need to find alternative coping tools and get the treatment that you may need for an underlying issue. The cutting or self-harm doesn’t mean you’re ‘crazy’ or broken, or that you actually want to hurt yourself. If you self-harm, it’s because it’s helping you cope. It’s not the best coping tool, but it may be the best one that you’ve had in the past to get through difficult moments.
Counseling can be helpful in treating an underlying mental health issue and create a space to learn about positive coping tools. If you’d like a free consultation, contact us and we’d love to listen.