Amelia Elkins, LCSW, CAS
What is Love Bombing?
At this point, the terms “gaslighting” and “ghosting” are commonly used in today’s dating language lingo. But what about love bombing? According to Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, love bombing is when someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection. In the beginning of a relationship, the difference between infatuation and love bombing could be confusing. Here are three common themes to help you recognize whether you are being love bombed in a relationship.
1.) Feeling Smothered
A love bomber will go to great lengths to spend as much time as possible with their partner. This may look like inviting themselves to outings, overstaying a welcome, and/or putting their needs before their partner’s. Obviously, in the beginning of a relationship this can be confusing to differentiate. There is a difference between wanting to spend lots of time together versus recognizing space is healthy. Time away from our partner helps develop stronger relationships in the long run. If a partner came over every Friday night and is just leaving Monday morning, in the beginning of dating, this could be an example of love bombing. More on this here.
2.) Big Gestures
Another component of love bombing includes large gestures like flowers, trips, dinners, and gifts. Sounds great right? This is how most get sucked into a love bombing relationship. Important factors to notice are a sense of deep connection that is almost forced, such as intense eye connection, talks about the future and committing to plans, and excessive flattery. Or maybe the love bomber is saying ‘I love you’ when you aren’t ready. Again, some of this is normal in the beginning of a relationship and should be happening, but it’s the extent and level of intensity to watch out for. More on this here.
3.) Control
Lastly, with a love bomber, things will inevitably begin to shift and lead to a sense of dominance. Constant texting, calling, or checking in may become the norm and before you know it, you are in an abusive situation. This is where gaslighting may start to show up and things become super confusing. This phase may also result in the love bomber trying to separate you from friends and family to create sole reliance on them. This may look like the love bomber becoming upset if you spend time with friends or family instead of them. More on this here.
How to Know the Difference
Lastly, components of healthy infatuation include a honeymoon phase where of course one desires to be with their partner and feels amazing around them. The difference is, there is space, separation, and healthy boundaries around wants and needs. Fantasizing about the future is normal but committing to things a year out after only a few weeks or months of dating is a little too intense. Interested in exploring more about love bombing? Therapy is a great way to process the healthy vs. challenging components of a relationship. Reach out today to get started.