By: Amelia Elkins, LCSW, CAS
Society places a lot of pressure on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in the United States. From Walgreens to the grocery store, it’s nearly impossible to avoid the massive bouquets of flowers or BBQ specials celebrating parents. Unfortunately, these holidays are painful for a lot of folks. Reasons can include the loss of a parent, childhood abuse triggers, estrangement with a parent, or even a complete lack of a relationship from the start. If this is the case for you, here are some tools to navigate these holidays and provide support for yourself.
- Know You’re Worthy and Deserving of Love.
- From birth, our biology pushes us to please our parents and when we don’t have parents in our lives this can create a sense of sadness, feelings of being a failure, or confusion in identity (more on this here.)
- Spend time with folks who lift you up, make you feel a sense of belonging, and help you feel good about yourself. Know that you have the power to nurture and care for yourself even though caregivers were unable to provide this.
- Set Boundaries with Social Media.
- This is a day where folks love to post tributes, share memories, and boast about their parents or grandparents. If this day is triggering for you, taking the day off from social media is key.
- Instead, keep yourself busy by engaging in a grounding activity such as a hike, gardening, cooking, or fishing. Nature can provide great comfort during times of distress and supports the mind in being present.
- Connect with Others who Share the Same Experience.
- Chances are you know someone who struggles with one of these holidays as well. If you don’t, there are groups and forums to get support. Examples include Reddit, Twitter, or Meetup.com and one can simply google motherless or fatherless on either holiday for support groups.
- By allowing yourself to connect with others who share similar experiences, this may create a sense of support and value. Remember you’re not alone and there are several books which discuss this exact topic.
Lastly, therapy can offer a great space to process these relationships, loss, and provide more in-depth strategies to move forward and heal from parent dynamics.