Amelia Elkins, LCSW, CAS
“The simple truth is that happy marriages are based on deep friendship. By this, I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company“
-Dr. John Gottman
Taking the next step in a relationship is an exciting time. Thinking of the future, making plans, and wedding planning are fun, important, and exciting but there are other things that are just as valuable in creating a stable foundation. Here are four basic categories all couples should process and explore before taking the next step in their relationship:
- Values: Values are described as a person’s principles or standards of behavior; and/or one’s judgment of what is important in life (com). Values are the number one category I stress to my clients to explore individually, as well as in their relationships. I encourage couples to come up with their five top values and discuss these at length. Here are some questions to get you started:
- How do our values align?
- Are there any that could cause conflict when paired against each other?
- How do we support each other’s values and recognize our values as a couple?
- Examples of values may include respect, loyalty, fairness, love, health and may be as specific as laughter, charity, or mastery. Looking for a list of values to explore with your partner? Start here.
- Finances: It’s no secret that stress from finances is one of the top reasons for divorce. Having a transparent discussion about finances before marriage is crucial.
- Exploring topics like student loans, spending habits, budgeting, or even whether to keep finances separate during marriage are great places to start.
- It may be worth sitting down with an accountant or financial advisor before marriage to really get things squared away.
- Intimacy: Intimacy includes but is not limited to physical touch, emotional connection, words of affirmation, and so much more.
- What are the expectations for intimacy from each party? They may be similar, or they may be different which is why this is a crucial talking point.
- What happens if there is a dry spell?
- How do both parties like to experience intimacy?
- How can intimacy be cultivated? Interested in this topic? More on this here.
- Boundaries: One of my personal favorite categories is boundaries. These are crucial in creating and maintaining a healthy partnership. Boundaries in a relationship may look like exploring alone time, family/friend boundaries such as time spent with others, and physical boundaries such as having others over/how often.
- Where could boundaries be a problem with friends or family in the relationship?
- How can we successfully communicate if the boundaries become crossed and we need a reset?
- Just as we create individual boundaries for ourselves, the relationship will also benefit from guidelines.
Do these topics spark interest for you? Setting up a few premarital couple’s therapy sessions could be highly beneficial and allow both parties to dig deeper on the topics above. Reach out today to get scheduled!